#if i truly dont want to do them i now have permission to just put up a neko as well. and thank god for that

[danggirlronpa]

Thanks to the delightful and Much Appreciated donation of a ton of sprite edits by @severalsmallwizards, the number of ships I don't have visuals for is a very reasonable 14 ships!! Which is WAY DOWN from the 55 I thought I'd have to do, and perfectly possible to get done!

If people get back to me about permissions I'll trade their art in, and if anyone wants to take a crack at the remaining ships without visuals noted here, they are more than welcome to. But I'd say we're more or less ready!! So keep an eye out at around 6:30-ish EST on the 2nd (today, lmao) for the full schedule!!

[coffee-and-tea-time]

Yandere shop! Choose your yandere!

I was thinking, did you ever listen to yandere asmr videos? If so, you will catch on quickly that this is based on the yandere shop, which was so popular in asmr videos during the pandemia. - coffee

If you didn’t, quick summary Coffee gave me: imagine if there is a place where you can enter and you can ‘buy’ (they pay you since you are going to take care of a serial killer so he don’t kill people while you two got your twisted love) a yandere of your choosing. - tea

Word count: 1.2k but this will be edited to correct misspellings or weird sentence structure later, sorry in advance.

tw: yandere behavior, willing reader, delulu, written in you/yours, reader is a little nervous but really interested, you can choose humans yanderes and non-human (although humanoid) yanderes!

You fix your clothing and take a deep breath, your mind filled with ‘what if..’ yet, you were here, in a place that you didn’t trust was real

A creak takes you out of your thoughts, a smiling man dressed rather formally, greets you cheerfully.

“Sorry to interrupt when you are so absorb in your pretty mind My dear, but you know, a little push may help you”

He said as he extended his hand to you, well, you already made your way here hoping to get a yandere so you gather all your corague as you take the man's hand. He led inside the shop, you can hear the click of the door closing behind you as you follow him.

“Oh, I hope you weren’t thinking of backing up so quickly Dear, want something to drink?”

You gently shake your shake as you sit down in one of the couches, on the inside it looks pretty much like a coffee shop.

“Smart choice but you still seem rather nervous, want to say something before I go ahead and show you the catalog?”

“Well, I wanted to know, what can you do for the yandere you like to like you back? What if the one I choose doesn't like me back?”

Your worries were met with a not-so-subtly laugh from the man which make you kind of annoyed and embarrassed.

“Sorry Dear, I just never thought I ever meet somebody that feel insecure about the love of a yandere”

Now you wanted to punch him, is a normal question to ask! The yandere have their own way to fall in love!

“Let me give you a quick explanation, if they had a darling, both of us know they would be busy stalking them. The yanderes we have don’t have a darling, but are eager for the sense of love on their own way which may not suit everyone so to avoid problems, this shop was put in place as a matchmaker between differents kinds of yanderes and people who enjoy them"

You sight in relief as you nod.

“alright, who is more likely to go even more insane if they don't get a darling soon.."

"Sorry, what did you just say? I couldn't hear you well"

"Oh, nothing Dear, I was just searching for the ones that been waiting the most, is how the list work, I will show you a few options first so you have an idea, you can ask for another kind if you had something else in mind, I'm sure we got something that will suit your taste; Although, do remember that is just one yandere, we had problems with that before"

"How is it that someone got the permission to have more than one? I thought you guys will keep in track that since well, it's dangerous for anyone"

"She didn't have permission but she manage because she stubbornly wanted a yandere harem, the result are expected, averyone in that house died except for one yandere, he is again on the list, and as you can guess, he end up more being more... intense. He is totally your perfect option if you like a very possessive yandere, he's a more serious yandere for that experience"

“That will be dangerous for me too?”

"Dont worry Dear, he is truly desperate for love like the rest, his name is Dizie. But if you rather a more gentle treat, Gabriel is your guy, I don't know much about him since he said that only his darling will get to know everything about him. As far as I know, he's kind of yandere that will kiss the ground were his darling walk, a worshiper you can say, if you like someone looks at you like you are a deity, he's definitely your perfect match"

“Isn’t every yandere a worshiper in their own ways?”

"Well, I guess? Is true that others have another específic ways to worship, look, he's the baker, relishes in your enjoyment of their pastries, a very skilled baker that knows how to include the most unique of ingredients to make the sweetest of treats, dreams of putting his heart and soul in every treat he bakes for his darling, his name is Oliver”

"What kind of ingredients tho?"

“The next one you may like is actually a popular singer, he chooses to keep anonymous unless chosen, but if you want to be a celebrity or date one, he is someone you can guess that will love to spoil their darling, he’s on the talkative side, if you like art or stuff like that, you will enjoy his house. although he babbles a lot of how he wish to hear the voice of his darling obsessively for hours”

The seller seems to dodge your question.

“Ah, of course, we also have some special yanderes if humans are boring or less attractive for you, look, he’s Myotis, the classic vampire, he even has wings! Isn’t it perfect to see the sky closer while you enjoy the company of a yandere that looks like he just came out of a book? If you are also into short kings, you gonna love him without a doubt”

"He's not going to drain me out of blood, is he?"

“Dear, why would a yandere who waits so long for their darling, kill them? But if vampires aren't your type, you could go for a mothman! You will be the light of his life, literally. He’s a big softie and kind of clumsy; he just eagerly waits for the arrival of his daylight. A good choose if you like special clingy yanderes, he is not around humans too much, but he said he wanted to be called Lior if he got chosen. Oh, if you are on the stronger side, you may want to keep your eye on Tarak, he said something about his name meaning something like star and protector I think, I guess he chose the name by himself, he’s a prideful dragon and really loves to talk, honestly, I’m not that intelligent to understand some things that he say, but if you like to know new things by listening, asking or reading, he's your man, you can try trying to teach him something new, I don't think is impossible to archive”

“You know what ag…”

You stopped talking when you catch a security camera in a corner moving around frantically yet appear like not seeing anything?

“Don’t mind him, is just Grier, even though I don’t know if that's his real name, I do know he loves trying to spy here using the security cameras so we end up having to put tape on them when a darling is coming to the shop; as you can guess, he’s a hacker, if you choose him, you will be very well protected and taken cared of since you gonna be being watched even if you think you are alone, if that what you wish for, please do choose him.”

The seller looks at you, waiting for an answer, to choose what kind of yandere you want or ask for a specific type now.

“You don’t really go outside too much, so I don’t think you gonna have problems with any of them”

You act like you didn’t hear his murmur as you look at the papers in your hand of every yandere he just talked about.

If your favorite options lose or you want something specific, just send an ask! We love comments and interactions in general so don't be shy.

seller post

Sneak peek of the first encounters

Grier post

sorry for any misspellings or weird sentence structure ❣

images from pinterest ⚘

[sakumz]

____________________________________________

「 lu guang x gn reader 」

a/n : I doubt there's many readers for this but THIS MAN OH MAH GAWDD I just started link click... every episode makes me wanna cry when xiaoshi punched him and instead of getting angry he comforted him MY GOODNESS

warnings : a little ooc, reader in hospital...

____________________________________________

" you seem pretty spaced out lately, lu. " xiaoshi playfully punches the white haired boy on the shoulder as he drops his phone from the impact.

" sorry... it's just... remember y/n l/n? " lu guang looks directly at cheng xiaoshi as he ponders for a while before replying.

" yeah, they were from our school though they transferred away halfway. what's up? "

" their brother texted me the other day, said they're in the hospital and well... "

" you've always liked them huh, want me to go to the past and confess on your behalf? " xiaoshi playfully winks as lu guang sighs out of relief. giving xiaoshi the photo he printed out earlier of you and him in the classroom.

" yeah, dont mess up. got it? " lu guang raise his hand.

" got it. " xiaoshi slaps his hand on lu's hand.

" was I that mesmerising in your eyes that you just had to take a picture of me and the golden hour? " you teased as you turn away from the window to look at the white haired boy as he snaps out of his gaze from you and put his phone down, mumbling a sorry.

' damn did you really take a picture without asking for permission? what a creep. ' xiaoshi teased in his head as a certain lu guang flushed red at the memory.

' they looked really pretty, now tell them you'll walk them home and confess then leave the picture. ' lu guang instructs.

" its getting late, I'll walk you home. " xiaoshi tells you as you accepts and pack your things.

exiting the school and walking behind the male, you can't help but feel nervous. xiaoshi occasionally peeks over you as lu guang mentally prepares what nonsense might sprout out of xiaoshi's mouth.

' so why do you want to confess to them? ' he asks.

' they woke up from a coma, their brother said they don't remember anything and have been crying almost every day ever since they woke up. I doubt this confession will change anything in the future but... '

' I get it, today was their last day at school. you didn't get the chance to confess as you ran away after snapping that photo. '

' you- well you're not entirely wrong. ahem focus on the task at hand, just repeat after me. '

" you're really pretty, bright like the sun. funny, kind and sweet. I'm not expecting an answer or whatever but just so you know. I love you a lot, and- " xiaoshi stopped walking as you bump onto his back, stumbling at the impact a little.

" I'm moving away tomorrow. if youre asking me to be your lover then I'm not so sure if a long distance relationship will work out. one might fall for another in the long run. " he's staring at you as you fidget at your spot. this was all so nerve-wracking to you.

" I know that. it's okay, I don't need to be your lover now or ever, but I hope you always remember that there's a guy that fell for you and that you're amazing no matter what. " xiaoshi can't help but sympathize with his friend's possible one-sided love.

" I-I'm sorry, " hearing the apology shocked both xiaoshi and lu guang, tears pricked onto the corners of your eyes as you aggressively wipe your eyes.

" I'm sorry, it's just... " crouching down to cover your face to cry wasn't helping the words come out of your mouth.

xiaoshi bends down to your height, " it's okay really! " he attempts to pat your head in hopes to comfort you but it only made your heart sank deeper.

" you're a sweet guy despite your h-hard and cold exterior. I truly loved you too but we can't be together! not now or ever, so many things might change for you and me. I'll be moving away tomorrow, to a far-away place. you and I- we won't make it as lovers with those circumstances! " lu guang sighs heavily as xiaoshi mentally panics, ' hello? lines quick! '

" umm, I don't know what to say besides goodluck on your departure. " hearing that, your sniffles stop as you glare at the man infront of you.

' don't say that idiot, tell them it's alright. I'll find them in the future eventually, just wait for me. ' so xiaoshi repeats after him.

hearing the words, renders you speechless at his confidence to find you. you broke into a smile as lu guang body's reacts with a faint blush on his face, heck even the real lu guang looking at you from xiaoshi's eyes was blushing. after the so-called confession session and successfully bringing you home. xiaoshi exits the photo.

" thank you, " lu guang peeks over to his friend sprawled out next to him on the couch.

" wanna visit them or what? " xiaoshi challenged to which lu guang sighs before agreeing.

after texting your brother for details, here they were starring at your figure looking out the window.

" am I still mesmerising in your eyes? why don't you take a picture of me and the golden hour, lu guang. " hearing the softness of your voice, he rushes by your side to give you a squeeze.

you feel his tears fall on you as you return the hug, you're home now. wherever he is, your heart will call it home. xiaoshi watches as his friend cries for you before walking away to give you guys more privacy.

" sorry, I can't help the tears. you- you remembered, " he stops crying to look at you. you were wearing a soft smile on your face, the faint blush was there but with the glowing sun behind you. you looked ethereal.

" I'm happy to see you too, waking up from a dream... that confession was what I last dreamed of, lu guang... I love you so much, " he takes a seat next to your bed, following to grab your cold hands with his larger and warmer hands.

" I love you just as much too. after you left, my heart couldn't move on from you. it longs for you, I miss you so much. I didn't want to bother nor distract you when you moved, so I didn't text you. when your brother texted about today, I can't help but feel the need to visit... I wasn't sure if doing so was right until a friend suggested it. "

" ha, that friend must've been cheng xiaoshi ? I think that's his name, "

" yeah, " he smiles fondly at today's fiasco.

" I've got so much to tell you, but for now... I'm feeling a little sleepy... " you mumbled out as you slowly changed position, moving one of your hands out of his hold. falling asleep with one hand of his in front of your face.

he watches fondly, your heartbeat in the monitor seems fine. he didn't change your future, seeing as the major event where you were in the hospital still exists. heck, you must've been telling on your brother about him despite not talking to lu guang eversince but, for your brother to even bother to reach out to him like that... does that mean you were fated to meet him once more? he can't help but smile a little at the thought.

" I've got so much to tell you too, " he says as he closes his eyes and places his head above the arm, holding onto your hand. he falls asleep from the sounds in the room. how he truly can't wait for things to play out. he didn't really change the future now, did he?

[sabrgirl]

Assalamu alaykoum sister. I hope you are good alhamdulilah, i am a 20 year old sister. I did put my hijab in 2019 when iwas 15, i had a bad past but 2 years ago i came to the right path alhamdulilah. I have t4ouble overthinking about my past, if maybe some pics ( very sinful pics) got leaked or something. I repented to Allah subhana wa taala so much, i started praying again and reminding myself with my akhirah. But i overthink so so much that maybe something got leaked and 4 years later i may havent found and iam living here peacefully while i may have been gaining sins and maybe my parents find out. 2 years ago when i started my deen journey again i didnt even remember. This days i have cried a lot and i do remember quite a few details about what happened when i sinned and i dont quite remember if that person had screnshoted those pics or anything. I am so scared that my sins may come to light or its just my mind giving me a hard time while overthinking. I am fully making duaa and crying in my prayer mat and i wanna calm myself but i dont know how. Any tips or duaa so i can have a relief and ask Allah for forgiveness and to cover my sins if they have been leaked online? Howncan i improve? Jazakallahu khair ukhti.

wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah ♡. it sounds like you're on the right track, you're repenting, crying for forgiveness, and this fear that you have shows that you've changed from how you were in the past. Masha’Allah, Allahumma barik. that's growth.

'Say, “O My servants who have committed excesses against their own souls! despair not of the mercy of Allah, surely Allah forgives all sins. Verily He is Most Forgiving, Merciful' (39:54)

first, keep doing what you're doing - tell Allah that you're sorry and that you don't want the pictures to leak or be seen. ask Him to hide them and never let them be seen. show Him that you really have changed through actions (doing good deeds consistently, even if a little). but then also trust that He will forgive you as He is Al-Ghafoor, Ar-Raheem. one of His names is also As-Sitteer, the Concealer. trust that He loves you, is happy that you've changed yourself and have turned back to Him. why wouldn't He be? the pictures will only leak if Allah wills them to. nothing happens without His permission, not even a leaf falls onto the floor without His permission. not even the wind gently blows without His permission. so if they were to leak, it would only be on His command. so when you ask Him, As-Sitteer, the Concealer, to keep them hidden, trust in His power. trust in His name. continue showing Him that you've changed, continue repenting then let it go. find comfort in Allah's Mercy.

it's going to be okay. focus more on repenting for the sins rather than worrying about the sins being exposed because ultimately, you won't stand before anyone else on the day of judgement. even if people were to see them, you won't stand before them on the day of judgement. you'll all be standing infront of Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ together. He is more important and He's already seen the pictures. so keep repenting and continue your deen journey but trust in His Mercy and Love. if you've truly changed and will continue to change for the better then i'm sure He would want to keep them hidden.

you're already doing all the right things. you just need to have trust in Allah too now. believe in His Love. Allah is as you think of Him. if you think that He is so Loving and Merciful and hears you pleading for forgiveness and to keep them hidden then He will keep them hidden.

at the end of the day, you can't do anything about the pictures now. there's no point stressing about it because it's out of your control. you can't control the future and you can't control the pictures being leaked or not. and you can't change the past. focus on the things you can control, which is your repentance and your growth. i.e the now. so increase your good deeds. do istighfar x100 a day. pray your sunnah prayers on top of your 5 obligatory ones if you don't, and if you already do, then pray some nawafil prayers daily too. read some Qur'an before bed. surah mulk every night for eg. or increase in your dhikr. pick a deed you love and increase it and when they become habits, add more good deeds into your daily routine. leave the rest to Allah. the past is the past. and the future is up to Him. just pray that Allah keeps them hidden, repent, trust in His love and forgiveness and don't sweat it. it's going to be okay. focus on the power you have and leave the rest to Him.

some pointers:

watch this video

hadith: "whoever conceals (the faults of) a Muslim, Allah will conceal him (his faults) in this world and the Day of Resurrection" (Sunan Ibn Majah 225)

dua to recite for your situation (do it every day, see if you find comfort after a while!): Allahumma inni as'alukal-'afwa wal-'afiyah fid-dunya wal-akhirah. Allahumma inni as'alukal-'afwa wal-'afiyah fi dini wa dunyaya wa ahli wa mali. Allahum-mastur 'awrati, wa amin raw'ati wahfazni min bayni yadayya, wa min khalfi, wa 'an yamini wa 'an shimali, wa min fawqi, wa 'audhu bika an ughtala min tahti (O Allah, I ask You for forgiveness and well-being in this world and in the Hereafter. O Allah, I ask You for forgiveness and well-being in my religious and my worldly affairs. O Allah, conceal my faults, calm my fears, and protect me from before me and behind me, from my right and my left, and from above me, and I seek refuge in You from being taken unaware from beneath me).

sending hugs ♡. breathe, pray, leave it to Allah and trust Him. He is your Protector, He'll keep you safe. believe that He will.

may Allah keep the pics hidden, accept your istighfar, guide you closer to Him and ease your heart, Ameen ♡.

[c0rinarii]

Gonna recompile some thoughts about the 13SAR characters now that im past midpoint!

Juro: Oh its getting juicy.... unfortunately my boy is still as intresting as a plank of sheet wood but im intrested to see if his character goes anywhere outside of the Kyuta stuff going on. Im also sorry i ever suggested to u to make out with Kyuta.

Iori: SHE'S SO FUNNY.... I aspire to have even an inch of her whimsy and dedication to being so #normal. I too would like to confess to my weird as hell crush disregarding the fact he's a dangerous fugitive. Girl of All Time

Shuu: Frat bot facade is slowly starting to crumble and im here to see it. Uncover the truth, gayboy‼️

Megumi: I FEEL SO SORRY FOR U GIRL.... 😭 May you find peace in the future but its an overall shitty situation to be in. truly have her in my thoughts and prayers

Natsuno: I WAS SO HEARTBROKEN TO SEE HER WHIMSY FADE AWAY ONCE SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE TRUE NATURE OF THE KAIJU 😭😭 I love that she managed to maintain her optimism despite the awful situation she's been put in though. Still a joy to see pop up on the screen

Keitaro: HE REALLY IS A GOOD BOY... He's just trying his best and i love him for that. You'll save everyone you care about i promise [IMPERIALISM IS LYING TO U AND TAKATOSHI!! I SWEAR]

Takatoshi: Boys be fighting demons and demons is bisexuality. I enjoy him a Regular amount and i appreciate seeing his himboisms so much in the game. I never want to seem him That sad again [IMPERIALISM IS LYING TO U AND KEITARO!! I SWEAR]

Okino:

Yuki: MY PRINCE.... MY SHINING STUD‼️‼️ I love her a very normal ammount and seeing her slowly uncover the truth is nice to see. Definetily much smarter than she think she is.

Gouto: The fact that he is ong for real Ryoko's government assigned boyfriend is the funniest thing to come out of the game so far. He's still gated behind a huge completion milestone but so far i feel like he's trying to make sense of the situation the best he can. Unlike Tomi though, he's very scared of the circumstances of if he disobeys orders, i think.

Ryoko: She's been such a mood so far that i now think of her with her hands on her head when i stress about my uni deadlines. Im so sorry for Ida being anywhere near her life. She should get a wife to kiss and heal her. I give her full permission to kill anyone who breaks her heart. My snarky queen

Ei: HE ACTUALLY GREW ON ME I CANT BELIEVE IT. He really reminds me if the cool rivals with a soft spot you'd see in shonen anime and I cant be too mad at that. I enjoy how taciturn he can be too.

Nenji: HE'S ACTUALLY SUCH A SWEETHEART... knowing that he was childhood friends with Miwako really made me like him more (esp with how he treats her!) Loveable idiot.

Tomi: MY MUTUAL... OOMF IN ARMS... #GIRL IN LAW. Literally love how's she's written her personality is so so colorful. She has definitely said some out of pocket shit on twitter before and ill defend her with my life.

Miwako: I WILL WRITE YOU INTO RELEVANCY MYSELF‼️‼️There is so much oppurtunity to write her as one of the 15. LET THEM BE 16‼️‼️ HER "easy to develop crushes" SELF CAN BE MADE INTO SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER TO THE NARRATIVE RAUGHHH

Chihiro: I can see she's really trying her best to save everyone from the kaiju and seems to resort to any means neccesary to do so... i appreciate the effort despite the uh. [gestures] unethical treatment towards minors ig

Ida: EVERYTHING IS LITERALLY UR FAULT. I CANT BELIEVE IT. This would be half the disaster if you learnt how to sod it with ur selfish desires i swear.

Kyuta, Not-Tamao, 426, Izumi: I CLOCKED UR SHIT, SNEAKY BITCH. I dont trust a word you say. """"Means well"""" in the end i think but has way more messed up ways to go around it compared to Morimura

Miyuki: So far looking like the only person willing to help these kids in a way that would not give them severe trauma. Rooting for u girl.

[No thoughts on Tamao since i consider Erika as 426]

[yuri-is-online]

newer newer update: I skipped limbo's Lil sidequest. I am in the middle of lostbelt 6 and i am GOING THROUGH IT in every sense of the word. abridged version:

stage 1: BITCH I KNOW YOUR CLASS IS PRETENDER. OBERON VORTIGERN I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE (doesnt really)(the spoilers I saw were just vague enough)

stage 2: dammit he's being so damn helpful I actually feel bad for suspecting and side eyeing him at every corner even tho I literally know I'm right

stage 3: *talks about Titania* Oh no. Wait hold up I didn't know he was Romantic and Doomed like this, I didn't know he was one of Us. Tsk. now I'm rooting for him. on God we gonna get you some fanfic brother.

stage 4: *Welsh forest gets burned* ...You. Know. What? Maybe I'll let him. (extra: *support Oberon is listed as an Archer* Me: *been waiting for this* That's Not What You Areee~ *support Oberon gets listed as a Rider* hey uh is anyone in game gonna notice that??)

stage 5: wdym I go to a ball but don't even go in with Oberon?? wtf is even the point then???

stage 6: "when this is over I want you to decide my punishment" dude I dont even know if I'm gonna bring myself to give you a slap on the wrist. I actively hold myself back from giving you full permission to murder whoever you want. Wait I know what I'll do. I'll put you in a party with Merlin. Every. Time.

I dont fucking know what experiencing lostbelt 6 when it was just out was like but this is basically knowing you are going to be betrayed by someone, and knowing that turns it into knowing you are being betrayed as you speak, BUT still wanting to trust that person all the way up to the second they turn on you, not in a naive "maybe I can change their mind" but in a doomed "I know you will and I let you" kinda way. Not to even add how Chaldea is technically betraying Castoria too. This is real sufferer hours I am experiencing. I need to be put in a hydraulic press

side notes: I would die for Blanca. I would kill for Habbycat. Castoria just like me fr. I really missed Mash. Having Morgan in my party every single fight is ironic. I just got Cu alter to bond 10. Morgan is almost there too. Certified Evil men and women enjoyer. "Coral's more my type" is the single most obvious lie I heard and he isn't lacking. MERLIN HAS A LAST NAME!? Ed NP2 yay. Morgan NP2 yay

Oberon is so iconic for his yearning because he lets it make him worse, we stan a consistently problematic King. RiP to Limbo, he and Dantes are the only boys who respect me and actually answer my call, how could you ignore him he's been so nice c: and not at all annoying c: truly he's the picture of a perfect servant c:

Hime-bee has some very good smut for him and oberon on her ao3 but you didn't hear that from me

Anyway I'm glad you are having fun fgo anon. The next chapters are so brutal I have no idea how to approach them other than to scream, I wish you better luck than me!

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

this feels so silly to come to vent blog but here i am lol

i feel like i'm never going to grow out of my insecurity. i'm not insecure in the way i see it portrayed with everyone else. i'm fourteen and if these are what hormones are like i don't think i can do it. i've always had anger issues, i've always been sensitive and i've always been unhealthily jealous but as i've entered teenagehood, it's only gotten worse.

i'm constantly, always lashing out at the people i love and getting angry at them whenever they call me out on it. i hold onto grudges even weeks after the incident has passed and tell other people about it as if it just happened to make myself seem like the bigger, better person. i form wickedly strong attachments to people that i've just met and create such unrealistic standards of who they'll be that when they inevitably don't meet them i come apart at the seams and feel like my life is over and i need to take drastic measures for two weeks, then i lose the attachment and form an arguably worse obsession where i'm bitter and angry and jealous and want nothing but the worst for them but they dont feel nearly as vividly as i do so i feel stupid and it creates this cycle that im really fucking sick of because i've never met anyone who loves or hates as strongly as i do and i feel like im going crazy

i am such an awful person because of my insecurity and i hate myself for it

it's been so long and i'm so young and i know yo7 cant get rid of insecurity overnight andnit's a "self-love" thing but i'm really, really suffering. i wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. i have periods of time where i'm good, i feel really fucking fantastic and i don't care about other people and online shit and i think "i was just being dramatic, im actually fine" and then something small happens and i fall apart all over again and it gets worse every time

i dont even know what to do. im sorry if this is too much to put on a vent blog, please ignore this if it is im just feeling weird and it's 9pm and thats probably why im so emotional right now i just want to know im not alone

🍎

Alright first things first- never base your perception of anything on the way books or shows, any kind of story made for entertainment, portrays them. They can help if the team making them is particularly attentive, but they little inherent benefit to being accurate.

Good news- It isn't just hormones. Yes, hormones can make your issues worse and cause instability, but there is always something you can do to fix this problem by your own hand.

Additionally, you just happen to be asking someone who's gone through something very similar!

Bad news- I got through the worst of it through sheer force of will, heavy dissociation, and several years of unwilling social isolation. So lets hopefully avoid that for you! (Even if it does, its really not the end of your life)

Its going to really tough. I mean it. Sometimes it'll feel like you're not making progress at all. Sometimes you won't want to get better. You might make some Bad decisions.

What do to- therapy. I often recommend therapy, because seriously, it is heavily underrated. Your therapist can provide you with many exercises, resources, and its very good to have someone listen who can respond in a constructive manner. I was able to get therapy because my highschool offered it for free, and by my second year I was old enough to make those decision without parental permission thanks to local laws. See if your school, local community center, or other provides similair services.

Support system! A good support system is essential to getting through this. It's going to feel counterintuitive, but stick around those people that didn't meet your standards. It's important to build a social network, and upon learning to tolerate them, you may find yourself truly loving and caring for one or several of them.

Journaling! When having trouble with your thought processes, this is very good! You can get an overview of your stream of consciousness, physically get a look at the areas you need to improve on, and take steps to correcting your attitude. Changing the way we think is important to healing, and this can help catch harmful thoughts. It can also help you catch bad ideas before you try to execute them irl.

Overall- ^^These are just the things I feel are most relevant to your situation. There are many different steps you can take, and plenty of resources online to help you determine whats best for you. THE most important thing however, is to want change. That seems easy, but none of this will change fast. This is the sort of thing that can easily take years. It takes a determination that can be easy to let go of in favor of instinctual reactions and whatever gives you dopamine. These emotions will come and go, and the best you can do is sometimes simply trying to not let them drown you.

Remember, you're not irredeemable. You're just a kid, and being a kid is fucking difficult. <3

[weirdsht]

ENEMIES TO LOVERS CALE X READER PLSSSS😭😭

Fickle - Cale/Reader

a/n: idk if anon wanted a gn reader but I made a fem reader solely for the fact that my brain rotted at the thought of enemies to lovers waltz with pretty dresses. oh and the dynamic was inspired from "i'm stanning the prince" but like frenemies ver ig.

if anyone's curious this was 3667 words and 8 pages. also i had sm fun writing this that i might do stories with this as it's base hehe.

Tags: female reader, Gyerre!reader, massive novel spoiler, slight canon divergence?, enemies to lovers, but subtle because of their massive prides, misunderstanding, innuendos if you squint hard, light angst? (debatable tbh i dont think i made it sad tho but to be sure), open ending, Alberu pyscho analyzing his friends, god of death is a warning on its own, but he had little screen time, sarcastic Cale is my will to live, not beta read we die like Cale's slacker life

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

If there's something missing in the warnings let me know so I can add it

Any form of interaction toward the post is appreciated <333

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Masterlist

Everyone who knows Cale thought he would get along well with the beloved cousin of Antonio Gyerre, _____ Gyerre, the only princess of the Gyerre Duchy. Just from a few hours of observing one of them if you know the other you’ll immediately see their similarities; calm, craft, kind, helpful. Even the way they show off their power (in the rare instances they do) is similar.

It’s truly a waste, if only their political beliefs didn’t oppose each other they would’ve been great friends. Partners even.

But of course, there are some things that the general public can’t possibly know that only those who are very close to the two know. Like for instance the crown prince of the Roan Kingdom, Alberu Crossman.

If you ask the quarter elf (and actually get an answer) he’ll probably laugh first then say that the two aren’t in conflict because of their political beliefs. In fact, both of them are the crown prince’s supporters. With _____ even being his childhood friend that stemmed from their accidental meeting long ago that exposed him being part elf. But that’s a story for maybe never because it’s a dark part Alberu wants to forget.

“_____, there’s a meeting later after Cale announces his commander position. Are you gonna attend? I’m sure you’ll get something useful out of it.”

The prince innocently smiled, as if he didn’t know that _____ always indulged him.

And so at midnight, after everyone had finished their initial preparation for the war, the three of them had a meeting for further planning. ‘Looting and scamming plans’ as the great and mighty Raon would put it.

“Your Highness that’s a great plan but it’s lacking”

“Right I was about to say that, how amazing that for once you’re saying something right young master Cale, you truly are living up to the image the citizens have of you.”

The meeting was conducted smoothly. Of course, part of that was the two indirectly fighting each other using their glib tongues and sarcastic tones with Alberu just chuckling and watching the entire thing unfold.

Despite the low-key arguments they always have during these meetings, the redhead commander and the profound business-minded person of the Gyerre duchy synergize quite well. The plans they think of are very similar so when combined, one is left with a great plan with almost no loopholes. Their thought processes are also very similar, when one of them points out a possible mistake in a plan the other one is quick to bring up a solution as they’ve both been thinking of the same thing most of the time.

“While this meeting has been proven fruitful, I am now going to go back to my quarters as it is late. I thoroughly enjoyed my conversation with the young master of the Henituse household. But I do hope we won’t meet again, this lowly being cannot stand looking at the radiant face of our kingdom’s hero. One is happy enough to observe from a distance.”

Translation: don’t show your smug face with your overrated public perception to me ever again especially if we’re inside the same room.

“Oh no, please I should be the one saying that to you, your highness’ closest friend and confidant. How dare I even think of outdoing such an important person of our beloved kingdom.”

Translation: it should be you who should be avoiding me and simply stick to your business aiding the crown prince to the throne.

Tired from the load of bull she’s hearing, _____ turned around from the communication device and rolled her eyes which caused the crown prince to chuckle.

“Shall I call a maid to escort you to your room? Do remember that you have to attend the tea party the Orsena Duchy is holding in the afternoon.”

The tired lady simply puts her hand up to decline the offer before going on her merry way to her beloved bed, the very reason she likes staying at her childhood friend’s castle.

Alberu really can’t tell why the two have bad blood, acting like cats and dogs (but refined) whenever they meet. The two aren’t even competitive, both are probably too lazy to even think of competition knowing that they’re on the same side. Though they hiss at each other, they also know where to give credit when it’s due (of course sarcasm and backhanded compliments will follow suit).

So from whatever angle one looks at it, it seems as though they should at least be great acquaintances. Well no matter, the two know where to draw the line and it gives the blonde joy in life so he doesn’t dwell on it for too long.

Thus, with mainly the help of three cunning minds and glib tongues the war continued to be in their favour. Though suffering and losses are an inevitable part of war, the Henituse, now a duchy, also gained a lot of merits out of it. Especially with most of the heroes being the famous Cale Henituse’s people.

Although there were losses, as the pillars of the kingdom the nobles must not let the citizens feel it. One of their jobs is to put the masses' minds at ease as they secretly and thoroughly clean up everything in the background. Even though the war isn’t finished yet they have to show that everyone can still go on about their everyday lives in peace. Hence a celebration is in order. What better way to put everyone’s mind at ease than holding a ball.  

_____’s plan was to look around the hall for a minute then scurry to the nearest place she’d be able to find and hide there for the rest of the night. Naturally, nothing goes according to her vision as a certain prince seems to have a life mission to keep her party for as long as possible.

“May I have this dance my lady?”

Of course, one of his tactics is forcing Cale Henituse to ask the Gyerre princess for a dance. It’s a smart move really, with the commander’s large contribution to their feats, and everyone knowing that _____ also had a hand in strategizing everything makes everyone’s eyes on the powerful duo thus leaving no room to decline. 

“It is my honor young master Cale”

A dashing spectacle of soft purple and gold captures everyone’s eyes as the two of the most arguably influential people in the kingdom, a continent even, occupy the dance floor. Everyone can’t help but watch how graceful and effortless the two dance.

Cale spins his dance partner as if he's merely spinning a ribbon in the air and lead’s her and leads her exquisitely. While all of _____’s movements are one in such elegance that one thinks they can see the gold flowers embroidered in her light purple tulle gown to be alive and fluttering. Helping the two paint such a fairy tale of a performance.

“Say, young master. I suppose you’re not someone who’ll stoop so low to the point of copying someone else's attire for the night right? I’m sure the beloved young master’s outfit was also prepared by his equally beloved hyung.”

Translation: it’s so you to copy me but since I know Alberu had a hand in arranging your clothes tonight I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt

“Why yes princess. You know how the crown prince is, he doesn’t take no for an answer no matter how hard I try to refute it. In fact, if I didn’t know the prince was like that I would’ve assumed that you’ve committed piracy. Then again I know that your highness is far above such petty, pointless crimes.”

Translation: how dare you think I’m trying to copy you? If it wasn’t for Alberu’s doing I wouldn’t even think of stooping down to your unattractive sense of style.

As if to strengthen his point, Cale brings their bodies closer with such vigour that gets the other ladies whispering about how they wished their fiances and suitors were as romantic as he is. Of course, the beloved granddaughter of Sonata Gyerre didn’t back out with her viscous eye contact that other people thought was enthusiastic.

Simultaneous with the crescendo of the music were their movements. As the piece gets more intense so do their movements. The two have forgotten about everything else. All they see are purple and gold flutters of the hem gown and the tailcoat of the long jacket. The intense eyes looking at each other filled with animosity that none of them knew where it stemmed from. An intense feeling of adrenaline rushing through their veins in a competition to outdo the other, and the feeling of warm hands holding each other close to the point of it being painful.

While the two got lost in their own world, everyone else could not help but stop in their tracks and watch in awe. It was even to the point that the two strategists were the only ones occupying the dance area.

‘They make such a good couple. Look at the way they compliment each other and how they dance with such passion, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were just hiding their relationship.’

That’s probably what’s running on everyone’s minds as they misunderstand the battle going on between the two purple-clad figures.

“Hmmm, *Aram Khachaturian Waltz… I must say, you have impeccable taste in music. You managed to choose a piece that suits us. But, young lord. If I didn’t know any better I’d think that the possessive grip you have on my waist is trying to leave marks on purpose so the maids tomorrow will get the wrong idea.”

“Of course, it is basic knowledge for a gentleman to be able to choose a fitting piece for his lady. Certainly not my lady, please, I apologize for my actions as I am just trying to not lose you to the intensity of the piece. Though I can say the same thing for you and your sharp nails. What would my butler think when he sees scratch marks on me the next day milady.”

Smile and spin ladies and gentlemen, smile and spin. You mustn't let the enemy know how much they’re getting under your skin. As the music mellows down so as the adrenaline and intensity of the dancing pair. Hence why they are back to making small talk.

“Your Highness you were the one that arranged their outfits tonight right? Is there any reason as to why they seem to be matching? Are you also perhaps rooting for the two of them too?”

_____ can hear one of the noble ladies speak to Alberu as they sway near the blonde’s position. Tapping Cale’s arm twice, they silently communicated to subtly stay near that area to eavesdrop.

“Oh hardly no, their private affairs are for them to deal with unless they confide in me about it. I simply just wanted to show off the close relationship we three have. See, even I have light purple and gold on my outfit and this matching beautiful brooch I had the finest of artisans make for the three of us.” 

The two tuning in on the conversation can’t help but lightly scoff at the response provided. Everyone can see that purple is merely the accent of the prince’s suit while it is the main colour of the pair’s outfit. Still, knowing they cannot do anything yet as the piece is just about to finish, the two settled on waltzing away to the centre when they heard the topic shift from the brooch to the crown prince’s love life.

“You have great dancing skills, milord, I thoroughly enjoyed our time together.”

“Likewise milady, now if you allow me to escort you further so we can talk business while waiting for our dazzling prince”

Translation: I’m sure you heard the load of bull Alberu just said so I need you to talk to me to make a petty come back because I know you and so I know you’re up for it

“The pleasure is mine, I’m sure it's going to be a pleasant conversation”

“Then if you allow me to lead the way…”

If Alberu felt the cold chill run down his spine as he was talking to vassals, then he did a very good job at hiding it. A decision he’ll regret making later on as two pairs of glowing eyes grin at him with malicious intent they like to call ‘payback’.

After that, their relationship got a bit better. There’s still bad blood but thanks to the common headache they share they got along a bit better.

They started getting to know each other outside of the initial image they had of each other and noticed the similar traits and life goals they had. 

“Cale Henituse only second to the crown prince for being the most wanted bachelor? What? Is this for real? This man is surely doing witchcraft to make his press image look that good. This can’t be the same Cale Henituse I know who isn’t competent at taking care of himself.”

At her words, red eyes maliciously snapped their way to her figure to stare with amusement and resentment.

“Stare at me like that all you want, it doesn’t help my case that you’re bleeding from every orifice of your body right now. Makes me wonder how much trauma you gave everyone who personally saw you like this during the Henituse war. No wonder why they went ballistic. Of course, the same thing can’t be applied to me as I will be more than glad to laugh at your demise with front-row seats.” 

Poor young master Cale can’t even make a proper argument as he is too busy to strive to live another day. Contrary to the princess’ lips that spout poison like a viper, her hands tell a different tale. Soft, gentle hands cradle the commander’s matted hair as she lightly wipes down the blood causing his usual well-cared hair to be this atrocious. Beside him is a baby black dragon who fell asleep from the fatigue of his awakening.

“I hate you but I have to give you credit for being the cause of Alberu’s hilarious face when you dropped everything on him all at once then left to go self-destruct. Anyways I haven’t seen Alberu make a face like that since I told him from what house I’m from.”

The annoyed, but in pain man tried to wheeze out an answer but was quickly shushed with benign hands that just finished wiping his face and were now cleaning up the sleeping dragon.

“Don’t even try talking. Yes, yes I know that look, you’re wondering how I even get here and if I just went here to mess with you. Well, let’s just say that I have my ways and this is me repaying you for the amazing scene you made with Alberu.”

Cale decided on whether he should argue back, but upon the return of warm hands that delicately took care of him he decided to let it pass for once.

Thus, Lady Gyerre took care of the famous commander as his plate fixed itself. This made it easier for everyone else to do their respective tasks seeing that the young master was in good hands.

And if the first thing Cale saw as he woke up was a certain lady’s head sleeping on his side. They didn’t talk about it. And if the first thing _____  felt when she woke were big, warm hands caressing her hair softly. They also spoke no word of that.

Instead, the two continued on with their lives as normally as they could after that. 

It doesn’t help that they synergize well so they work with each other quite a lot. It also doesn’t help that since Raon is now relieved, the dragon doesn’t hesitate to ask _____ to stay over and indulge him further. It most certainly doesn’t help that the two of them are good at hiding their feelings, making it seem like they hate each other to the bone with their usual fights. 

And it really doesn’t help them that they seem closer than ever no matter how much they try to push each other away.

Late-night talks, comfortable skinship, the way they magnetized to each other unconsciously, one constantly seeking out the other especially when it comes to planning.

Yeah, it really doesn't help them one bit.

There’s also the pesky voice that has been watching over _____ since she was a kid that turned out to be the God of Death.

“So you’re telling me that the other kid you’ve been playing with was that guy. Then you told me that if we could meet we would’ve been great playmates? Oh, and you’re also the God of Death everyone kept complaining about… I can see where they’re coming from…”

That conversation resulted in the feather pen, a relic of the said god, hardening and smacking the poor princess across the face. Of course _____ Gyerre is petty so she throws the pen in a corner and refuses to talk to God until he explains everything and lets Alberu help with the Sealed God’s test.

As the whole thing continues on and everyone gets tired of the two, Alberu Crossman can’t help but try to figure out where the animosity even came from in the first place. Just why are they hostile to each other at the beginning with no explanations. Just what was the thing they saw that made them like that.

If it wasn’t for the Sealed God’s test maybe Alberu wouldn’t have been able to piece everything together.

The two are so similar that they even share their hatred for people who sacrifice themselves without realizing they do exactly just that.

[funny, so that’s how it is]

Alberu laughed to himself one night as he thought about it. Of course, his laugh didn’t go past Cale, err Kim Rok Soo as he looked at the tiger as if he transformed into something worse than his current form.

But war is war and there’s little to no time for anything else when you’re focused on not letting this White Star wannabe take over the world. Hence why, despite all the clear signs brooding over them, both opted to continue playing hide and seek of feelings in the middle of war and everything is left up in the air.

Still, humans in general are fickle things that don’t realize what they have been caring for until the direst of moments.

“CALE I SWEAR TO GOD DON’T YOU HAVE A BRAIN? IF YOU DIE HERE RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO PERSONALLY BRING YOUR SOUL BACK INTO THAT BODY JUST SO I CAN KILL YOU AGAIN” 

Those words and the back of the one who said it was the last thing Cale registered before he fainted.

When _____ felt uneasy her mind immediately went to Cale and his self-sacrificial tendencies. Good thing that she still has the gift the God of Death gave her a long time ago.

“Listen, the kid I’ve talked about before is coming here soon. I’m sure you’ll get acquainted well. That’s why I’m gifting this to you, you can use this to locate wherever that punk is and go there. Fret not for you can also easily teleport anywhere as long as you have my permission.”

She never thought that she’d actually use it to locate Cale, nor did she ever think that she’d be panicking over the man and what he was doing.

Luckily, she arrived in time. Cale just finished using instant and is very weak, near him was someone trying to take advantage of the chaotic situation and finish the redhead off. More lucky that the Gyrre princess has quick reflexes and manages to block off attacks from the bear. 

“I’ve heard what the situation is, Raon I’ll hold them off! Just focus on teleporting us out of here!”

A swarm of the remaining bears and black mages left in the Endable Kingdom continue to attack the three. While _____ is a pretty high-ranking swordsman, it cannot be denied that she went to the enemy's territory on a whim and with no proper armour. There’s also the fact that she isn’t simply fighting. Rather, she’s protecting the one guy she swore to leave to die. Thus, by the time the three teleported to Puzzle City, the two humans had fainted; one with a broken plate and the other one suffering from a large wound inflicted by the enemy.

Humans and their emotions are fickle things. It’s funny how a few words and actions will make them spiral down again. But it works out because these humans know that they are like that, they understand one another. They know that that’s exactly what makes them human.

That’s why when Cale first woke up, after getting his plate fixed again, and the first one he looked for was _____ no one said anything.

When he wordlessly insists on taking care of the unconscious lady no one dares question how he balances all of his tasks in the middle of war.

And when his family sees him getting lost in his own records late at night they don’t disturb him. They simply watch over their young master, making sure that he won’t hurt himself as he autopilots his way to juggling making plans and taking care of Lady Gyerre.

Indeed humans are such fickle creatures dense enough to not realize they’ve been tightly holding on to something unless it’s already too late.

But at the same time that very fickleness is what gives them the ability to do an entire 180 once they realize their mistake.

That’s why in his own way, Cale will surely make it up. Set things straight between the two of them, and not let his mistakes on Earth be the same sins he commits in his new life.

*Aram Khachaturian waltz is the piece that got me brain rotting about the waltz I'm sorry but it gives massive enemies to lovers waltz scene jsdfjaksdgfsdg

[dreamrecorder]

Ok so- idk if you’ve seen demon slayer;; but there’s this episode (it was during the spider fambam arc) aNywaYs- so like. Rui yeets ties* (i guess-) Nezuko like. Up in the air. With his weird spider thread jazz— and like. It’s sHarP weird spider thread jazz— so she’s like. Yknow. Being sliced and diced with string— but it kindaaa reminds me of like. Xiao. And his like.... weird... sad.... uh. Karma. Thing. Like y’know where he’s like hanging from his arms- red stuff. Yeah. So like. Now for the actual request

Xiao’s s/o (female if you don’t mind;;) gets kidnapped by like— the fatui or smth. And they tie her up like Nezuko :D to be like “lol haha Xiao be all like-” and she’s just. Like. Dying. Slowly. Dripping b l o o d and yknow. All the tea. And Xiao comes to rescue her— and he’s like 0-0 “wait...” and he realizes that’s like- exactly what happens to him- and so. He beats the fatui’s butts saves his s/o, anddddd she like.

Idk. This is where I need your angst expertise ❤️ like- she could d i e. In his arms. And poor Xiao would be so scarred omg poor thing- BUT THE ANGST- but at the same time;;;; the f l u f f of him being able to save her just in time and she was like fighting for him the whole time or whatever and ended up needing him to save her anyways- and then Xiao feeding her almond tofu until she gets better ❤️❤️❤️

IM SORRY THAT WAS SO LONG- im probably going crazy from lack of sleep from reading fics for too long sndndnsnsj

But if you do this,,, BLESS YOUR SOUL I HOPE TO EITHER BALL MY EYES OUT OR SQUEAL FROM THE WHOLESOMENESS-

Anyways.... thank you! Have a stellar day~ ���❤️

The heart yearns and the wind heard

lmao this ask is so adorable i hope you’d enjoy this ksks

anyway, full Angst train up ahead but there are moments of Fluff too. There are mentions of blood and violence if those are not your thing- dont worry guys, this goes with a happy ending cos you and Xiao deserve one~ on a final note- non canon compliant and suuuuuuper long- like- legit this is very long

The Yaksha sighs.

He’s here again. His mind and heart has returned his being into this crimson world his demons have created within him.

He feels it. He feels the corruption binding him tighter again for every death he brings by his tainted hands.

He looks at his bindings. And ever so slowly, the red and black coiling around his person will eventually reach his heart.

One day, he thinks, all this crimson and black in this world will swallow him whole and he will see the light no more.

Xiao sighs again.

This is his karmic debt.

~

The moment you stepped foot within Wangshu Inn, you knew he was in his prison again. After giving a quick greeting to the inn keeper, you hastily went to Xiao’s room. The closer you got, the heavier the atmosphere became.

You reached his door and knocked softly. As expected, no reply as he continues to struggle to take back his control over himself. Without hesitation, you stepped in. To anyone else, they would have instantly met his spear at their throats, but with you, this doesn’t happen. Instead, you see him crouched on the wooden floor with a hand on his chest. His knuckles were white and his breathing was ragged. His amber eyes- lost. Observing his form, yes… his moments of corruption are becoming progressively worse.

With swift steps of familiarity to this routine, you went to him and grasped his shoulders.

“Xiao, it’s me…” You whispered with clarity. And oh- how your voice brought a wave of comfort to his soul.

“N-name…” His voice cracked, but him calling to you is always a good sign.

You gave him a small smile and proceeded to grasp his hands together with yours. After which, you then leaned your forehead to his to chant your prayers. As your prayers progressed, slowly but surely, the corruption begins to fade along with the black mist that covered him. However, you took note how this ritual took longer than the last.

Once everything is done, Xiao just slumped onto your shoulders, still breathing deeply. “How are you feeling?” It was a useless question you asked every time this happens, but you always, always, have to make sure.

Usually, he would mutter a small ‘fine,’ but now- words seemed to have left his mind and all he could muster was an almost-unnoticeable shrug.

Truth be told- his response disheartened you, but you did not show it. Instead, you opted to simply encase him in your arms and caress his hair. After all, these are just one of the few, rare moments Xiao would leave himself into your care. Xiao is aware, himself, that his state has been becoming worse and worse. And you both know, that a day would come when he would just attack anyone- friend or foe- without a trace of hesitation. So, just this time- he speaks his feelings.

“Name?”

You answered immediately with a questioning hum.

“What would you do… when I finally lose control over myself?”

It was very subtle, but he felt how your hand stopped caressing his hair for a second, then proceeded to the previous task at hand again. In all honestly, you can never find yourself having an answer to that question. “And why would I ever let that happen to you?” You questioned back, fully aware that you were dodging his question.

Silence surrounded the two of you, unsure on what to do with the sudden heavier atmosphere.

Not wanting to face the cruelty of the world yet, Xiao simply buried himself on the crook of your neck even more. And despite the ghostly sensation of his lips on your skin, you could feel him mouth the words ‘I love you.’

“As long as I’m here,” you whispered, “nothing can hurt you.” And that was the most beautiful lie that the Yaksha has heard, but he was willing to believe all the same.

~

When word about Fatui diplomats starting a bank reached you, there was a nagging feeling in your head that trouble would bring itself present anytime soon. It was like an itch that wouldn’t get away. And the only way to have that itch gone is to scratch it.

“You are absolutely a fool.” Xiao stated darkly with crossed arms, for once disagreeing with the plans of his master.

“We can never know what their intentions are unless we let them start their bank, no?” Zhongli said as he gazed at the marsh spread beneath him.

The Yaksha only scoffed but said no more.

Building up your courage, you deemed it was your turn to voice out your thoughts, “Um… Rex Lapis, I see your point, but wouldn’t it be best to resolve the problem before it persists into something larger? We all know- All of Teyvat knows, that the Fatui are not to be trusted.”

Your archon offered you a kind smile, “I understand your worries, Name. However, as of the moment, they have not presented themselves as such. If they truly are our enemies, then it would be beneficial for us to know their intentions.”

You frowned deeply at his statement. Seeing you do so, somehow, your archon immediately identified your main concern.

“Is this about the Tianquan assigning you to be her representative for the Fatui?”

The moment those words left his mouth, a growl tore from Xiao’s throat, but he held his tongue.

“Did Ganyu tell you?”

The Archon nodded and you sighed.

“I volunteered, actually.”

And at that point, Xiao vanished into thin hair, but you could still his sense his presence around.

“May I know why?” Zhongli questioned gently.

For a moment, you struggled for words. You didn’t know how to describe this ‘itch’ to him. “At first, it was supposed to be Ganyu, since in the Tianquan’s eyes- Ganyu is an adeptus and she does not know that I am, too. Perhaps she didn’t want to put me in harm’s way, a ‘visionless human’ at the side of a harbinger. After some convincing to Ningguang for my volunteering, I spoke to Ganyu next.

“The adepti are divine beings that walk here in Liyue. I had this feeling that putting a divine next to a power-hungry harbinger would become an issue. I told Ganyu that, since I looked ‘harmless’ and ‘ordinary,’ the harbinger’s interest about the divine would never surface.”

A stretch of silence wrapped around them as Zhongli pondered over your words. “Perhaps, are you also planning to dig out the truth of their arrival?”

You nodded, “I knew you would allow them to stay, so I just took it upon myself to unfurl their secrets.”

“Hmmm… I grant you permission on doing this. However, should trouble arise, do not hesitate to tell us.”

~

The glare pointed at you was strong. Even without him saying a single word, you could hear his phantom voice in your head speak with such coldness, What are you thinking?

You simply gave him a reassuring smile, “I’ll be fine, Xiao. I may be a human in mortal eyes, but please do remember that I am also an adeptus, no matter how weak I am.”

Xiao releases a huff, but still sits by your side at the floor of the balcony, letting the moon kiss his skin. “You’re not weak.” He mumbled as he snaked his hand to yours.

To him, you will never be weak. In fact, you were the strongest being he has ever laid his eyes on. Not physically, no. It was you mental and emotional fortitude. Back during the Archon War, he always admired how you kept your head held up high no matter the suffering you have experienced. No matter how much death surrounded you, you still fought. And that strength made you a survivor. During the war, you never failed to help the wounded. Even when someone dies under your care, you held strong for the departed and for those who are left behind. You were a pillar of hope.

He brings your hand to his lips and kisses every knuckle “… Just be careful. If ever you are in trouble do not-“

“Hesitate to call your name.” You finished, beaming at his words.

~

As someone who used to be a healer and a doctor, you were quite familiar with several mild skin diseases that mortals can suffer from.

If there is an itch, you do not scratch it- for you will only aggravate the area even more.

Now that you’re working alongside the Fatui as the Tianquan’s representative, the itch you kept feeling was only irritated more. Especially whenever you spoke with the Harbinger who goes by the name Childe. And since your work requires you to cooperate with him, you also don’t miss the chance to discover what he hides, should the opportunity presents itself.

Childe… his azure eyes certainly have their… charm to those unaware. However, you knew better. You know he’s capable of drowning you just by his eyes. While he may be a cheerful man, his eyes lack the lustre of joy. The eyes are the windows of the soul, yes? If so, all you see is an unending ocean that you do not want to swim in. The surface may be calm, but the deep is relentless. However, duty bound you are- deep within the ocean, you shall find the secrets the Fatui hides.

Again, another scratch to the itch, but it only irritates you more.

~ 

The news of Rex Lapis’s death became the catalyst of you confronting the Harbinger. From Yujeng Terrace all the way to Northland Bank, you ran (with Ningguang’s permission of course). Before you can even open the door to his office, something caught your eye.

It’s faint, but you’re an adeptus. You sensed elemental traces, just smack bang at the middle of the door. You carefully scrutinized the tracings, and fortunately you knew Snezhnayan script. And what you read only made your heart sink.

It’s ready.

With the adeptal arts, you managed to uncover the origins of these elemental tracings.

Scratch.

Without hesitation, you followed these tracings until it led you into some ruins.

Scratch.

Following the tracings further, you find yourself in a dimly lit room. Wary, you summoned your weapon imbued with your element.

Scratch.

Searching the room, you came across several antique boxes. You opened them.

Scratch.

What you saw were familiar. Too familiar. Dimming the room more with your element, you find more Sigils of Permission hanging on the walls and on the ceilings. The energy within them were faint, but with enough numbers, it’s enough to kill a-

“Well, well well, I thought you’d be there mourning for your Archon. But here you are, snooping around someone else’s research material.”

The sound of his voice made you sharply turn your head to him, your stance now more offensive. “What are you planning?” You bit coldly.

The Harbinger hummed a small tune, “Nothing much… But! If you’re really curious, I guess I could tell you.” He hummed some more but you knew he’s not finished. Once he finished his tune, he grinned to you menacingly and the depths in his eyes became even deeper and darker, “After all, I won’t let you leave this place with you knowing my secret~”

~

There was this one time, Xiao struggled against himself so much, he scratched himself red so that he could anchor himself back to the real world. You remembered how much you cried as he slept in your arms. You never wanted to see him do that again. Seeing him hurt himself also hurt you, too. It was like a stab in the heart, then a twist, and twist some more. A slap in the reality that you might lose him one day.

As he slept, you solemnly observed the wounds he sustained himself to. They were angry red, just like blood.

Now, you, yourself scratched that itch in your head too much into a wound for blood to seep through. You scratched too much and now you have to bleed from it.

~

You were slipping in and out of consciousness. Sleep was tempting you more and more but you know you have to wake up. You were aware that this is going on for days.

Everything hurts. You remembered how his blades, imbued with the Sigils, weakened you thoroughly. Every slash he brought to your body just drained the energy away from you. But still you had to do something.

He wanted an adeptus- he wanted an adeptus in order for the Sigils to grow stronger both in number and in power.

Now here you are, bound by chains and suspended at the middle of this empty room. These chains were adorned by talismans that drained away your energy. You were bleeding from your wounds of your previous battle.

Drip. Drip. Drip goes the blood and pools on the ground underneath you. The ground, you barely noticed, was lined by Liyuean script which enacts the ritual of the Sigils draining your divine power from your blood.

To the eyes of a sadist- you were a picture perfect in a canvas. A dark room lined by the damned Sigils, glowing an eerie gold. Then there's you with your bloodied clothes and chains. The red pool underneath was casting a red glow on your way, giving you a red shade to your pale skin.

Everything hurts-

And everything was driving you mad.

You can also feel the Overlord of the Vortex feed from your energy through the Sigils. You sensed his lust for power and revenge. You felt his anger and the corruption within him. You felt his hatred and his want to bring death. For days that felt like years, you’ve been battling against that very same god in your head. This battle was not something you shall not lose to and failure is not an option. If you fail here, then Liyue will fall. 

This god- he was driving you mad slowly.

If ever you are in trouble, do not hesitate to call my-

You shut the thought from your head. You are not going to call him. You will not speak of him. You will not think of him. You will not call him. Not to this place where his corruption will grow. No. You Will Not Call Him.

If it means that me not calling you will keep you safe from the corrupted remnant of a god- so be it. 

Please

However, no matter how much you denied yourself to call his name, no matter how much your heart yearns to be with him- the wind does not ignore the pained sob that left your lips.

~

Ever since the news of Rex Lapis's death and the visit of the Traveler with a Sigil in his hand- the corruption within him just bloomed into something feral.

The Sigil- there was something wrong about it but Xiao doesn't know what is it that is wrong. Then there's you- where are you? Surely with the news of their Archon's death- it would send you to bring forth a meeting for the adepti to talk this over. But now- for days- you remain not by his side.

With you missing- the demons inside him are slowly taking control over him, taking advantage of his vulnerability for you. For each passing day, it was slow torture for him- The worry bubbling in him was consuming him. He glared at the Sigil between his fingers and not failing to notice how his dark aura covers him once more. 

“Traveler,” Xiao called sharply, “What is it you intend to do next?” 

To any mere mortal, the look his eyes held were enough to strike fear, but the Traveler stealed themselves- meeting the adeptus’s gaze with an equally serious calm. “I have my suspicions on a certain harbinger and I-”

“Where?” The Yaksha growled.

“In the Golden House.”

Without a word nor warning, Xiao placed a hand on the Traveler’s shoulder and teleported them to the place where the Exuvia is hidden.

To the Traveler, everything happened so quickly as one event led to another. One moment, they were standing among unconscious bodies of the Millelith then the next thing they knew a corrupted and demonic gust of wind flew them away to the side. Regaining back their vision, they could see Alatus’s spear now at Tartaglia’s barrier made of Sigils. 

Alatus narrowed his eyes at the floating talismans and began to calculate the flow of this incoming battle with precision and accuracy despite his losing control over himself. 

It was a tense minute of sizing each other up, but eventually, Tartaglia has broken the silence with his annoying innocent voice. 

“Who would have thought that I’d have the honor of fighting another adeptus of Liyue?” 

The question immediately fed the corruption within him, the dark aura exploding at it. He knew that he should not believe in the Harbinger’s words so easily, but the glint in the latter’s eyes held truth. You could be out there, hurting, scared, alone. You could be out there, bleeding out. You could be out there dyi-

His aura exploded once more at the thoughts spreading in his being. With a burst of unspeakable power, Alatus lifted his weapon and pierced the barrier once more, this time breaking it without failure. At the threat, Tartaglia backed away as he donned his mask.

In a similar fashion, Alatus, too donned his mask. “I will ask you once,” the Conqueror of Demons spoke with a deathly calm, “Where is she?”

~

He should have killed him then and there. But the call of the Overlord of the Vortex must not be ignored as it threatens Liyue. 

In the small opportunity of escape, Childe took it. But he was weak and injured as Alatus swiftly threw his spear to block his way and teleported right in front of him. In a show of power, the Conqueror of Demons lifted the mortal by the neck.

“I will ask you again, where is she?”

In fear, Childe told him everything and at his every word, Xiao listened carefully- never speaking once. But the anger within his heart, it boils- it rages. His amber eyes bored into Childe’s soul- thinking what he should do to this mortal. Oh how killing him would be so nice. However, when the Yaksha’s gaze landed on the regal form of the Exuvia, he merely threw the mortal in its way.

“Killing you would have been easier. However, the crimes you have presented against Liyue are not mine for me to judge.

I leave the Harbinger to you... Rex Lapis.”

Once out of the Golden House, the Overlord roared once more, shaking the lands of the nation. However, along with it, he heard the faintest of voices. I’m so sorry... I couldn’t hold him back anymore. 

Only then did the demons in his heart freely took control of him. Just like the stories of old, where the Yaksha walks, death follows. But they were no stories. In his way towards the ruins where you were held captive, every step he took brought carnage and even more death and blood to taint his hands. No Fatui will leave this place alive. The very being of destruction ended many lives. Each death, the demons were growing stronger.

All he wanted now was to kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill killkillkill killkill kill killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill

Then seeing you suspended in the ceiling and bound by chains. Blood was painted on your lifeless skin. Wounds were littered and bruises were blooming on your form. But most of all, your eyes. What were once full of life and hope- now empty and blank. His demons quieted down.

Broken. You were like a broken porcelain doll.

“N-name...” His voice cracked, not believing it all.

With haste, he quickly broke your binds and caught you in his arms. he was fast to check for your pulse and your breathing. And thank the Archons, you were breathing but barely. You were now walking the line between life and death. With all his might yet a gentle caress, he hugged you for dear life. “Name... It’s me...”

But still, your eyes still held no recognition and it shattered his heart to pieces. With further inspection, he sensed the presence within you. A corruption. A certain evil. 

“Name, stay with me please,” Xiao begged with desperation as he fought back tears. “It’s me who supposed to be the corrupted one between us, not you... I’m not allowing you to leave me, you hear me-”

With a ritual of the adeptal arts, he started purging and purifying the evil left by the god who fed from you. He is not letting you stay alone in your prison, not for a second longer. 

Xiao prays and he never prayed before. Even to his master. But just this once, He prays with desperation. You are the light in his darkness. You are the moon in his night. 

The ritual was a delicate process. For every word he spoke, he was rewarded by your screams of pain and the writhing of your fragile body. He wanted to stop, but he can’t. He had to physically restrain you from trying to escape from his embrace and from hurting yourself. And for every cry you released, Xiao merely shuts his eyes clos just for him not to see your pained eyes. Every now and then, Xiao speaks gentle apologies and words of encouragement for you. You were coming back. But still, the evil persists.

You writhed and scratched against him, until you were creating more wounds for blood to seep through. When it came to a point, you began pleading and begging for him to stop, that was when Xiao had shed a tear. So he continues the ritual, his prayers, and his apologies. They were arriving to a point where the ritual is reaching its conclusion but your screams only grew louder.

Please, just a little more...

Please, just stop...

Please...

The corruption disintegrated away from you in a forceful release of dark energy. He was breathing deeply, attempting to calm his loud heart. When he placed his gaze on you, you were breathing rapidly and your eyes were searching blindly and your hands were desperately holding onto him.

“X-Xiao...” You whispered, “Where am I? Where are you?”

With a sigh of relief, the Yaksha hugged you again closer and his forehead to yours, fearing you would go away again. The action made you lift your hands to his face, still searching blindly.

“I’m here, Name... I’m here.” At his voice, the dam in your eyes broke as you cried silently. Xiao was not adept in emotions, but for you, he will face them gladly. He lets you cry as he gives you soft whispers of assurance, safety, love, and promises. However, you were not crying because of what had happened to you. You were crying for him. After experiencing such corruption-

You sobbed some more- you were this close to him losing you and you could not bring yourself to imagine if your roles were reversed.

“P-please,” you said with a broken voice, “please don’t go to the place where I can’t follow...’

The words, at first puzzled him, but after a few moments, he realized and once more it broke his heart. Bringing you closer, Xiao let loose the tears he was holding back. With a gentleness unexpected of the Conqueror, he simply littered your face with kisses. “I promise if only you would do the same.”

With your smile that he loved dearly for so long you too spoke your promise, “I do.” They were simply two words, but the comfort they bring into the Yaksha’s heart was in volumes.

After that, you shared a few tender moments in each other’s arms. Simply relishing the feeling of their familiar warmth. A little later, Xiao spoke, “Would you like to eat some Almond Tofu once we get home?”

The question made you giggle at his innocence, so you agreed. Despite you needing physical medical attention. But Almond Tofu with him? Yes, you two definitely need some emotional healing.

A/N: fINALLY dONE lmao this was supposed to be short but angst really makes me want to write longer everytime haha~ anyway this request really made me ponder bout genshin stuff with all the corruption this and corruption that but then a question popped up like-

how did childe replicate the sigil of permission? since sigils are imbued with divine energy, i just thought how did this guy accumulate so much sigils to the point of freeing Osial- a god!!! soooo i just played with the idea for a bit then figured out maybe these pieces of paper get the divine energy from a divine source right? and the adepti are divine beings of liyue and another thing- you guys might have noticed the change of names in some scenes- i dont know but i think somehow different names represents different side of a person like- we have childe the cheerful harbinger then tartaglia the power hungry harbinger- there’s Alatus who’s calculating and cold, there’s the Conqueror of Demons who’s ruthless and unforgiving, then Xiao who is calm and humane- lastlyyyyy i might post this in ao3 ksks

[loaffofbred]

SPOILERS FOR WTIT :

Foreshadowing of Logan's Outburst or Snap and Indications of Future Problems

After rewatching some of the Sanders Sides past episodes, it seems very clear that Logan's outburst is fairly unsurprising. But, there may be some other foreshadowing thats taking place other than his outburst, and maybe his future dilemma's maybe indicated as well.

One example i saw is his question in the musical number of the puppet episode, where Patton explains his repression of emotion, and Logan seemingly asking if it worked in some way. And almost seemingly shocked by Patton's answer.

It almost seems like he was trying to find the answer to his own problem. He's repeated before that he has NO feelings or emotions, and that he has no care of sentiments. He's in denial of his emotions and Patton's situation seem to fascinate him because he seems to have the same problem. Almost like the more he ignores his emotions, the more he believes they disappear altogether, like what Patton said. The answer seemed to shocked him either because of Patton learning and applying the lesson he learned, or because he had a similar problem and shocked by an unexpected answer. This feels like a foreshadow to Logan's problem, and this is not the only example of that. All instances of Logan denying his emotions are just further evidence that thats his problem. His acceptance of his emotions. This is me not doing too much research here, so bear with me if theres a way to debunk it.

Of course this isnt a surprise to some, but this is a foreshadow to his outburst. The further you fill this jar of emotions, the closer it is to bursting into a field of emotions and outbursts. I think maybe the future episode might tackle that problem. Denial is a form of deception, you cant have deception WITHOUT denial in some capacity. You can tell that Janus in some way knows Logan's dilemma, he is deceit after all, he knows that Logan has a tendency to deny his own emotions. Even the other sides seem to know this as well. Logan always clarifies he has no emotions and this further feeds deceit.

Janus and Remus' push comes to shove

This can also explain why Janus and Remus push Logan to a different level than all the other sides. An example of this is the newest asides video(WTIT) and both SvS and SvS redux. Why are there methods of pushing Logan away different from the other sides? Well, lets first see how the other sides do this. First, the other sides never do this intentionally or in a malicious way. They explain Logan why his point of view doesnt particularly matter, and that their argument is more feasible. They dont FORCE Logan aside, they just dont put the effort to listen and comprehend his input. Example of this is the end card of WTIT, Patton choosing to ignore Logan's input on SvS Redux, and Thomas, Patton, and Roman almost ignoring and nonchalantly putting aside his wants in the Moving On episode. They dont force Logan away, they just dont give value to his input enough for him to feel worthy.

Remus and Janus' way is through FORCE. Theyre upfront and malicious with their tactics. Remus blatantly targeting Logan specifically on the introductory episode of him. Janus disguising himself, two times, as Logan to remove him from the equation. They both force Logan down, to try and bring themselves up. I dont particularly know why theyre pushing Logan to his limits. Either an entry for the Orange side?

But this is whats weird. Janus is responsible to who or which side can be seen. Hes responsible on who is hidden away from Thomas, and who isnt. Thats why in Remus' song mentions this;

Recently a snake offered me a morsel from the tree of knowledge

He said "you're wanting to be more honest

And be direct dealing with your issues

No longer will you deceive yourself about the ugliness within you"

(a certain thing i suddenly realize is that the 'tree of knowledge' is referenced in WTIT. The last end shot where it pans to Logan and the roots of the tree to Janus. Just a small thing i realized :) )

So why does the orange side need 'influence'? Yes, Thomas has a say on what he wants to see and what he doesnt, but what about Remus? In a way its far more fitting for him to just barge in rather than have permission to show up. But if we were to assume Orange as rage or a form of it, why does he NEED influence (assuming he does) to truly be seen? A question that im hoping will get answered in future episodes.

Janus' power and deniability

Janus has more power than we think. He can shut the sides up about a certain side in order for Thomas to be unaware. So maybe, in the end card, Janus is hinting for the Orange Side to finally being seen because of his help. His power stems from something but what?

Have you noticed something in common with all of the dark sides introductory episodes? They all speak about DENIAL. Denial of Thomas' capacity to deceit and the denial of imagination having an 'evil form' of it. His denial is what keeps the dark sides at bay, and what keeps him from knowing about the other sides. I think thats the main reason why Janus has the power to show Thomas the other sides, because denial is a form of deceit, and Janus has power over that.

And who else has a BIG problem with deniability? Logan. Logan denies that his emotions even exist in the first place. One example of denial being a big part is this line that really stuck with me,

No longer will you deceive yourself about the ugliness within you

Janus is speaking to Remus yes, but this also resonates with Logan and Thomas. 'Deceiving yourself' is lying to yourself, denying the existence of bad within you. Remus KNOWS that Logan is lying to himself, because it seems like Remus had the same experience with how Janus told this to him specifically. He knows Logan's problems and the whole "Now youre speakin' my language" makes even more sense. He saw Logans truth. His ugliness within him.

Another line also stuck with me is this;

Why deny yourself knowledge

Say knowledge of yourself?

You don't need to feel ashamed with your dear old Duke

You need not feign decency

This also seems so targeted to Logan. He feigns that he has no emotions therefore has no flawed and hurtful emotions that can target Thomas. He feigns decency. Also! 'Why deny yourself knowledge, say knowledge of yourself?' seems to resonate with Logan as well. Im not saying these lyrics are TARGETED SPECIFICALLY towards Logan, but resonate instead.

Logan's deniability of emotions

Think about it, denial is the reason why dark sides are hidden. And Logan denies his emotions. Connect the dots and its understandable why some people believe Logan to be either hiding something about the Orange side, or him being the Orange side in general.

Few mentions

Another targeted insult (while not surprising coming from Remus) also acknowledges Logan's problem,

He knows his problems, and this is where Logan denies this entirely

Which seems like a lie to me, but nonetheless

Remus pushes the take that he has an effect on Logan

Logan also denying this entirely

Even though, that is the exact OPPOSITE of what happened to him with Remus on the latest sanders asides.

TLDR; Logans denial of his emotions is a big problem that may be addressed in future episodes. Denial is a big part of the dark sides anonymity and Thomas' deniability is the very reason for hidden dark sides.

Both Remus and Janus push Logan for either an entry way for Orange, but still skeptical because of Janus having the power to make dark sides be seen based on his control of deniability, so why put the effort?

Logan's connection to denial maybe a more reason why he seems to be the only side that explicitly shows anger to the point of physical pain towards others or other outbursts. Deniability and the dark sides having a connection seems to further push the theory of Logan showing his true colors or self. Of course that theory has many flaws in of itself, i think Logan's denial has a big part as to why he showed orange eyes

Remus affects Logan in quite different ways compared to Virgil and Patton

anyways, this has been long enough, i hope this was understandable, and as always

THIS IS ALL THEORIES,

do not take them as truth or fact, but rather speculation

anyway, peacee

[shoutoismybaby]

Omega Shame Part 1

Summary: After spending most of your life on suppressants and ignoring your second gender, you finally decide to embrace who you are with your alphas support. But what happens when your alpha Bakugou walks in on you nesting and sparks memories of your past trauma?

warnings: ABO, Nesting, ANGST ending with fluff,

***

Nesting. This was something you hadn't even attempted since you were but a small pup. Both suppressants and fear had kept any desire for this activity far away from you, until a couple months ago. That was when you got a courting proposal, your first ever.

It was a necklace, and not just your typical alphas 'just learned how to make jewelry with string'. No. This necklace required welding, a skill you had no idea about, but that just made sense for your alpha to poses. The chain was a simple silver, leading down to a locket with intricate holes on its top layer, creating an almost explosive like design. The cloth that sat inside was a ruby red color that matched the alphas eyes, and the scent it held was strong of caramel and ash.

Of course if Bakugou was to make a courting gift, his was going to be the best you had ever seen.

You had wasted no time in placing the necklace around your neck, relaxing as his scent filled your nose. It was from this point that you knew Bakugou would make an amazing alpha for you. After all, if he put so much effort into the courting gift, you could only imagine the effort he would put into courting you. Even then in typical Bakugou fashion, he passed all expectations.

It started with the way he would make you lunches, walk you to wherever you needed to go, and made sure to give you a thorough scenting only after he got permission. He always showed concern for your physical and mental wellbeing, stopping you from pushing yourself too hard in training and even scolding you for your self deprecating jokes.

“No one gets to talk down about my omega. Especially not my omega.” He had growled at you once. Again Bakugou did something unexpected, making your omega purr at a growl.

It felt so nice to have someone who cared about you. Someone who encouraged you to stop hiding your second gender from everyone but those in your own class. Not that you had even let your class discover on purpose, but the stressful situations class A had gotten in over the years did wonders for wearing off suppressants and scent blockers. 

He, along with your other classmates, had been building up your confidence in your secondary sex for years now. Bringing you to the realization that being an omega didn't mean that you were weak or any less than betas or alphas. Momo and Ochako were omegas after all, and they were some of the strongest people you knew. So once you had gotten an alpha your omega was basically begging to be set free, and you didn't feel like you had to deny it anymore.

So here you were, after 3 months of being off of the medications your hormones and instincts were finally leveling back to normal. It was something you had never experienced before, but you had Bakugou to help support you along the way. That's why you needed his scent in your nest. No matter how nauseous you felt walking into the young alphas room while you knew he was training, your omega refused to continue the day without at least one peice of his clothing. More than that and you were sure you would be sent into a panic attack. You had no idea how he would react to you doing this. Would he be disgusted? Angry?

Ironically the only thing calming your thoughts was to continue building the nest. Pillows upon pillows methodically shoved between various stuffed animals and blankets became nest shaped as the time passed. Soon enough you were left with just one item left, one of his favorite skull shirts. You had wanted to take something he would miss less, but they weren’t drowned in his scent like this one was. You sat back into the middle of your nest to take a thorough look around. You didn’t want to take too long to decide a place for it by now as you were getting tired. Not to mention you were going to go out on a movie date with Bakugou so you also needed to get ready for that. You would have checked the time if you weren’t so fixated on your task, and that would turn out to be a huge mistake.

You had finally found the perfect place for his shirt when you heard your door open from behind you. In the middle of slipping the clothing item over your pillow you froze as your heart began to race. Your omega knew it was an alpha before you knew who it was and she let out a chirp before you could stop it.

All you could remember was the first time this had happened, an Alpha walking in on your nest. You were seven, not old enough to even present as an omega but tendencies could show early in childhood. You were excited and happily humming as you arranged your blankets, stuffed animals, and your parents best smelling clothes into small yet sturdy walls in the shape of an oval on your bed. You couldn’t help but feel safe, like you would no longer fall off your bed in the middle of the night, or that monsters or other intruders would quickly avoid hurting you once they got just a single sniff of your parents alpha scents. You were proud when you were finished and immediately snuggled into it for a nap, only to wake up to the scent of rotting eggs. A clear indicator your father was both near and very angry. All the yelling and trashing of your hard work that happened next was just a blur. But you could remember how you felt the entire time so vividly. The way your lungs seemed incapable of taking in air, the trembling of your hands and especially the weakness in your knees. Most of all, you remembered the absolute terror as your safe space was invaded. Adrenaline pumped through your veins as fast as your heart would allow it, and you could only sit back and watch.

It was that day that you first became aware that there was something wrong with you. Something gross, weak, and worth hating.

That’s why even when the scent of Bakugou filled your nose, your heart still didn’t slow down. In fact, it only sped up when you finally turned around to look at him, all of the hope you had gotten by convincing yourself he would be happy you were embracing yourself quickly diminishing. His brows furrowed more than normal and his mouth was set in a deep scowl, slightly open just enough that his naturally large canines poked out.

He was angry.

“Do you not know how to answer your fucking phone?! You were so eager to force me to agree to this date and then you don't even respond when I-” Your thoughts were racing far too fast to actually hear what he was saying. Your omega could only think of one thing, your alpha was angry with you. You messed up and now he was angry with you. It was just like your parents, you should have listened to them when they told you it was stupid to nest.

But you had worked so hard on it, and it made you feel so good. You didn’t want your nest to be torn apart again. The smell of smoke wafted from the alphas' palms as you were too caught up in your memories to really hear him. Hear how he was angry with you for forgetting about your date, angry that you had stood him up and too busy being upset to even notice that you were sitting in a nest. The smell of smoke invoked just another event in your mind, one that happened when you had first presented as an omega at 13. Something that caused the damn behind your eyes to finally break.

“PLEASE DON’T DESTROY MY NEST” You Omega sobbed, distressed chips flooding from your chest like air. “Please, please!”

Your outburst startled the Alpha into silence. He could only stand there and watch as his omegas scent was filled with fear as she wiped at her eyes aggressively. A first he was confused, letting his body pump out comfort pheromones instinctually as he let himself observe the situation. You were dressed only in your school uniform, clearly having been building the nest that surrounded you from the time you entered the dorm room to when he had burst into your room, now far past dark. You were trembling too, body curled up in on itself as you hiccupped and begged.

“Please, I'm sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorryyy! Just please dont destroy my nest.” Your voice cracked and it resonated painfully in his ear and his heart dropped. Why did you think he would destroy your nest? Sure he wasn't the best alpha but he wasn’t a monster. Did you really think he would destroy the one place where you felt safest? A weight grew in his chest that left as a deep growl,

“Here.” He growled, “Probably best if we just end this bullshit.”

This was all your fault. If you hadnt built this stupid nest in the first place, or even started crying like a fucking baby then this wouldnt have happened. But you were a weak omega, and just like your parents said, no one can love someone so weak. Especially not someone as powerful as Katsuki. You shouldn’t have let yourself believe that they were wrong for even a second. You had thought that Bakugou would be the one who would love you for who you truly were. But that was naive. No one could love such a burden. No one could love you.

The drop of the crafted bracelet to the ground seconds before your door slammed, leaving you alone once more in your room, proof enough of that.

Your parents were right.

A flame of anger lit in your chest. Why were you so unloveable just the way you were? Why couldn’t you just be different? Why couldn’t you be an alpha like your parents had wanted?

You could feel your nails extend into claws as the hair on your body raised. You glared at the soft material weaved together around you as hot tears built up behind your eyes. This time instead of being fueled by fear they were fueled by rage and resentment.

You were so angry. So angry at youself, at your weak omega, and especially at your stupid nest. You couldn't help but let a couple tears fall as you let your anger get the best of you, and you didn't stop it until you were heaving in the middle of your disaster of a room. Surrounded by torn pieces of fabric and the other contents of your room scattered by your tantrum, you finally let yourself breath. 

You turned around to see the item you had been avoiding, your pillow with bakugou's shirt. With a deep breath you grabbed a hold of the object, digging your claws into its plush softness. The caramel ash smell that permeated the air only helped to break down the remaining bits of your anger. And you didn’t want to be left alone with your despair just yet.

With the release of your breath a ripping sound could be heard. The shirt split and cotton popped out from the opening like popcorn. Once you had successfully dissected what had been a comfort item you threw it somewhere away from you and took another deep breath.

Now you were finally alone. Just you and your reality. You could really feel how much pain your omega was in as your hair began to lower and your normal nails returned. You had heard about this pain before. A deep one in your chest, heartbreak. Your omega seemed to curl around that feeling. Of rejection. Self hatred. That no one would ever need you, let alone want you. You could feel yourself start to slip into the limbo of numbness and searing pain.

An Omega Depression.

You remembered learning about it back when you were in middle school, most people were beginning to present as their second sex. Your teachers had emphasized how important it was to get medical attention at the first signs, you knew how dangerous it was, but all you wanted to do was lay there on the floor. You were tired, and what was the point? No one cared about you, not your parents… not Bakugou. Your throat strained painfully at that thought. Bakugou didn’t want you, and it was your fault.

[sunaswife]

Summary: It’s been five years since you’ve seen your ex, Rin. He’s still not over you and you’re not over him. When he finds out you have children he thought he didn’t have a chance. Then he finds out they’re his? All of a sudden you’re teaching Suna how to be a single dad.

🔪: sorry this chapter is so shitty

Warnings: Fluff, angst I guess, drama, and cuteness twin overload

⚠️: smut included in this chapter

Previously Up Next Masterlist

Chapter Fourteen

“How much money did you give to Kita?” You asked, he looked at you for a brief moment before looking back at the road. “Enough for the food he gave us. Kita works hard to harvest and plant rice. He deserves to get paid at least something.” He replied and you slowly nodded your head in understanding. Chewy’s head popped up between you two and you rubbed under his chin with your free hand. Chewy’s tail wagged and he turned back around to join the kids.

The rest of the week was slightly better, Karin was still hesitant around you but you tried acting civilized the best you could. There was no more comments and she was grateful you changed the oil of her car and fixed her brakes. She also smacked Rin for being useless and not knowing how to do that but you waved it off and said that your older cousin showed you how to do it since you were alone at the time.

Now your little trip has ended and you have a a few more hours to go. You’ve allowed the kids to pick their songs during the journey but you desperately wanted to vibe with blink-182 and other classics. After a pit stop for a potty break for chewy and the kids you began your journey again. Once the beginning of I Miss You came on your kids whined, “But we wanted the moana soundtrack.” Akira whined. “You’ve chosen long enough, let us pick a few songs and then you can pick again.” You turned and they nodded with a small pout.

“Hello there the angel from my nightmare—“ you started off and Rin smiled softly. You’ve sang this song many times before when you both would go on dates, but your voice was always light so he could barely hear. But now you were more confident in your voice that you didn’t have a need to sing lightly. That’s another he loves about the new you. “I miss you, I miss you—sing Rin. This was one of your favorite songs!” You encouraged.

“I’m not gonna sing.” He immediately shook his head, “Come on don’t be a party pooper.” You shook his shoulder and asked again. “No I’m not gonna sing with yo—where are you, and I’m so sorry—“ he began to sing and you giggled.

“DONT WASTE YOUR TIME ON ME YOURE ALREADY THE VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD!” You and Rintarou belted out and Rini was bopping his head. Chewy was napping and Akira sighed and patted her tiny hands on her thighs to the beat. She didn’t wanna give in and vibe with the rest of the family.

Rini smiled softly as the next classic rock song came on and you and Rin bopped your heads to the beat. He was glad to know that Rin likes listening to old rock songs like how you do. This was exactly what he wanted.

Everything was going to plan.

“Home sweet home!” Rin took a dramatic deep breath as Chewy began sniffing everything. You immediately began taking out the clothes from the luggage to wash the dirty ones. Rin made his way to his designated room and remembered that you offered up your old bedroom and used your office as your new bedroom. He objected and agreed to sleep on the couch and he even offered to share the bedroom (cheeky little shit) but you declined. When he made it to the room, the sheets were unmade and your clothes were tossed lazily in the hamper.

“Hey yn—“ he called, “Yeah?!” You replied from the living room, “We’re you using my room?” He asked and you wanted to slap yourself. You immediately stood up and made your way down the hall and almost slipped. “Yeah I’m sorry, I was just so tired so I just layed here since this bed is more comfortable then the couch and I was too lazy to pull out my couch bed—“ you began to ramble but was interrupted “yn, calm down it’s fine. I was just curious.” Rin chuckled and flicked your forehead. You rubbed your forehead with a small pout. “Out of curiosity what cologne do you use?” You asked and he turned with a smirk, “Why? Do you like the way I smell?” He asked and you squinted your eyes. “Obviously I like the smell of the cologne or else I wouldn’t be asking. The scent of the cologne lingered onto your pillows so I was able to sleep more at ease—” You bit back but stopped when you admitted your secret.

“Why didn’t you just say so? Ya know if we share a bed you can smell me all the time.” He said smoothly and you facepalmed, “Now you make it sound like I have a smell kink. I’m fine I just liked the cologne.” You said and turned around to continue washing the clothes. Rin frowned as he saw you leave, “Seriously Rin? You can smell me all the time? Your flirt game is way better then that.” Rin immediately scolded himself. After five years of not flirting with anyone, he’s lost his touch.

You made sure the uniforms for the kids were cleaned and you began making preparations for dinner. You were tired of all the traveling and you just wanted to rest, but mom duties never stop. “Hey don’t worry about dinner, I ordered takeout.” Rin leaned against the door frame. “You did?” You asked and he nodded. “From where?”

“Osamu’s.” “I knew it.” You chuckled and stretched your arms over your head. “Yeah, we definitely need to see a chiropractor.” You mumbled. “Next Tuesday when the kids are in school?” He asked, “Is this a weird way of asking me out on a date?”

“If I said date you’d say no, but it’s a...a parent hangout..day..?” He tilted his head and you patted his back. “Okay. We can go.” You nodded and he smiled. Little by little you’ll start to open up again.

Rin did a peace sign and the kids followed suit while they were in the bus. Suna nudged you and you rolled your eyes and did a peace sign too as you saw the bus drive away. You and Rin both returned home after seeing them off and you both lazily sat on the couch. “Just an FYI, I’m finally going to start training with the team. Games will be coming up soon.” Rin said and you nodded. “What division?” You asked, “Division one.”

Your eyebrows widened and you smiled, “Wow look at you rockstar, you always used to slack off and now you’re in a division one team?” You said with a light punch and he smiled. “Yeah I took it more seriously my third year and I was scouted. Before I transferred I was in division one as well.” He explained. “Oh okay. That’s sick. Which team?” You asked, “EJP.” He replied and your mouth opened with a gasp. “With Komori Motoya? He’s one of my all time favorite players!” You exclaimed and his eyes squinted. Is motoya a threat?

“Don’t even give that look, I only appreciate him as a player. Even in highschool, I wished I could have saw him in person during nationals.” You admitted. “Whatever.” He sighed and layed back with his eyes closed. “I can’t get my hopes up that we’ll ever be together. I just hope you tell me soon because I don’t wanna hold on to us if you don’t even want me.” He mumbled. You frowned slightly, yeah you kinda seem like you’re leading him on. “It’s not that I don’t ever want us to be together. I mean I’ve been waiting this whole time. Deep inside I still love you after everything that happened but I’m scared Rin.” Your voice cracked and he immediately sat up and opened his eyes to see your figure. You were hugging your knees and your eyes were watery.

He scooted a bit closer, “What are you so afraid of?” He asked as he put some hair behind your ear. “I’m scared that the past will happen again. We’ll get into a fight and I leave, I don’t want the kids to go through that. They deserve loving parents and I like this system we have, we’re friends and cool co parents. If we add romance it’ll probably ruin everything.” You began to cry, Rin stayed quiet for a bit as you let it out. “But how will we know if we don’t try? I obviously love you—“ “And I obviously love you too but—“

You were silenced when you felt warm and slightly chapped lips against your own, just like back then. Your arms reached for his face and you deepened the kiss purely on emotion. Tears still streamed down your face and you missed this, you truly did. He may have seemed so bored and deadpanned back then but in privacy and in each others company he was a perfect Prince Charming, so gentle and soft when needed. His right hand was holding the back of your head and he felt your soft hair tangle between his calloused fingers.

He missed this just as much or if not even more. Eventually you both pulled away to breath but you initiated the next kiss, and the next one and next one. It’s been so long since you’ve kissed another person let alone made out, same with Rin. He’s just as touch starved. Your cardigan slid off your shoulders and soon enough Rin’s shirt disappeared but you stopped. You rubbed your eyes slightly and looked into his eyes, “Are you sure you want to try again?” You asked and he nodded. “Of course I do.” He said as he hand rested on your cheek. You leaned into his touch and he smiled softly. “You?” He asked, you bit your bottom lip and nodded.

“Yes.”

He pulled you to him, you sat on his thighs and your arms rested on his shoulders, his lips moved to your jaw down your neck to your collarbone. His large hands reached to your waist and under your shirt but you grabbed his hands and he stopped before he could even ask for permission. “Is something wrong?” He asked, “I’m just a bit insecure..I’m not that skinny girl from back then, I have stretch marks and my boobs are a bit saggy, I have a bit of fat and I don’t want you to be disgusted.” You said lowly. “Why are you ashamed? It’s normal. Don’t you see this?” He asked and pointed to his upper arm near his arm pit. “I get stretch marks too. You’re not the only one. And who cares if you gained a little bit fat? You’re still beautiful. Your boobs are beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful. I didn’t fall for you because you were hot or athletic or anything. I began falling for you because of who you are. Not because of your appearance. Also you’re still fucking hot, my own little milf.” He smirked and kissed your lips once more. “I hate you.” You mumbled against his lips.

“You won’t hate me after this.” He replied back and grinded you over his crotch, you moaned and he sighed. Your hands moved from his shoulders to his abs and you felt all his muscle. Compared to back then he was more of a noodle but now he’s really buff.

You slid your hand down past the waist band of his gym shorts, following his happy trail. It didn’t take long for you to find his cock and Rin leaned back with his eyes closed. “You certainly feel bigger, then the last time I remembered.” You said out loud and he released a small chuckle. You finally looked down and yeah, you could definitely tell the difference. His swollen red tip was already releasing precum and your thumb grazed over, earning a whimper from Rintarou. “Someone seems a little sensitive..” you hummed. “S-shut up.” He moaned as you pumped his cock. You looked up to see his face and you couldn’t help but giggle. “Wow what a switch from back then. Remember when I was a poor little virgin and so inexperienced? You took control and look at us now. You’re so sensitive when I’ve barley done anything.” You told him. “I haven’t had sex in five years.” He defended and finally opened his eyes, his brows were scrunched and you tilted your head to the side. “I haven’t had sex either but I’ve had my fair share of mommy time when I release my stress with the help of toys.” You replied and his hips arched slightly.

He could feel himself getting close with the thought of you touching yourself and saving yourself for him and only him. Nobody else has ever touched you. You’re perfect. “S-stop I’m close.” He warned but you continued and pressed your lips behind his ear. His grip tightened on your waist and he quickly pulled your hand away. Before you knew it you fell on the floor with Rin towering over you. Your hands were trapped over your head and you pouted. “No fun, you never let me be on top.” “I suggest you shut your mouth and let me fuck you stupid.” Your eyes widened at his choice of words and his hand slowly made their way under your camisole. He pulled the shirt up and saw your delicious breasts trapped inside your bra cups. Your face flushed as you saw his eyes darken. “R-Rin..” you mumbled and he looked up. “Take off my shirt.” He obeyed and pulled you up, the camisole came off with one swift motion and he pulled you close to unclip your bra. His lips kissed your shoulder, down your collarbone and between your breasts. “Lay down.” So you did. He pulled your tights off along with your underwear and finally you were completely bare beneath him in the middle of the living room. At least Chewy was outside. “Protection?” Rin asks as he slides off his shorts. “Birth control.” You replied and he breathed a sigh a relief. “Okay cool I don’t have condoms.” He said and you chuckled. Rin slowly opened your legs and drooled at the sight of you. “So fucking pretty I swear. How do you do it? You popped out two kids and you still take my breath away.” He said and kissed you before you could answer or process what he said.

His tip slowly moved up and down your slit, you weren’t wet enough and he’d rather die then hurt you so he slowly inserted two fingers causing you to gasp against his lips. His thumb rubbed your clit while his large and very long fingers pistoned in and out of your wet cunt. The pleasure you felt and loved he poured in made your eyes watery. You just love Rintarou so much. “Don’t cry love, am I hurting you?” He slowly stopped. “N-no, I just love you so much. Fuck I love you with my whole heart.” You said and he chuckled and increased his pace with his fingers, he saw your eyes clench and how your covered your mouth. He immediately pulled your hand away and you couldn’t help but cum when he told you to cum. “I love you so much that porn doesn’t work for me anymore. I always imagined you in order to get off.” He replied. “Always thinking with your cock.” “You love this cock.” “Hmm those toys I have are pretty nic—fuck .”

He bottomed out without going in slowly causing you to grip his upper arms. “Jerk—just cause you’re salty doesn’t give you a reason to treat me like a rag doll.” You looked down between your bodies where you both connected. “But you’ve been teasing me and need a punishment. Handle it like a good girl yeah?” He asked as he pulled out and slammed back in earning a loud moan from you. In all honesty he felt better then any toy you’ve used. People say missionary is overrated but they’re probably not doing it right. He left bruises down your neck and with each thrust his grip tightened on your waist. The rug beneath was hurting your back and you managed to flip Rin over, leaving him speechless. You slowly sat on his cock and he stayed silent watching you on top. You raised your hips and went back down, you leaned your head back as you slowly found a rythem and began bouncing on Rin’s cock.

Rin loved the view of you holding your breasts and squeezing them together while you bounced. Your little moans and whimpers will always be his favorite sound and it didn’t take long for him to grip your upper thighs and thrust himself up leaving you speechless (literally). Soon enough you both came and chewy was crying and scratching the outside of the sliding door so he can come inside. Rin held your limp body in his arms and helped you in the tub. Warm water surrounded you and Rin left to do something and after a good five minutes he came back. He slid in the tub behind you and immediately wrapped his arms around you. “I’m happy I can do this with you.” He spoke softly, “Me too...I’m sure the kids will be happy.” You leaned your head back on his shoulder and looked up. “Yeah, it’s pretty obvious what they were doing.” Rin said and you both chuckled. “They’re our little matchmakers.” You hummed and Rin nodded. You both heard Chewy barking and assumed it was just the mailman outside but all of a sudden the door of the bathroom flung open and there Hana and Jamie were looking at you both with such shocked expressions. You eyes widened when they gasped and Rin covered yourself with his arms. “I-I can explain—“ “FINALLY!” Jamie yelled but Hana rubbed her temples. “Is this just casual or a serious thing?” She asked, “Serious thing.” Rin spoke up and she nodded. “Um....I’ll go make some snacks since the kids should be coming home soon and we need to talk.” Hana said awkwardly and reached to close the door. You could both hear Jamie rant about how happy she was that you both were together. “Well that was awkward..” Rin said and you laughed, “Yeah they’re like that..” you said as you both began to properly wash yourselves. When both you and Rin changed and did an awkward walk of shame to the living room. The couple was waiting for you. You both sat on the couch and waited for what Jamie was about to say. Chewy jumped on the couch and rested his head on your thighs, “First off, I apologize for the intrusion. You weren’t answering your calls or texts so we immediately got worried and came over. And second, Rintarou if you break her heart I will break your face. Try to hurt her and I’ll get the best lawyers of Japan to go against you, okay?” She said. Rin gulped and nodded, “Yeah I get that..” he spoke up, “And third, I’m going to the US for about a month.” Hana said and you tilted your head confused, “But Jamie’s due date is soon.. you won’t be here when she goes into labor.” You said, “I know but...my next client is picky and important. I wanted to stay but even Jamie is pushing me to go.” “I just want an autograph. Our baby can wait till you come back.” Jamie said and you tried not to laugh. It was an obvious Jamie thing to say. “That being said, I don’t want her being left alone. We have midwives but they can’t be with her 24/7.” She said. “She’s more then welcomed to stay here, I’ll help her with whatever I can.” You said and then turned, “Sorry I forget it’s not just my home anymore. What do you think Rin?”

“It shouldn’t even be a question. I’m sure this is a scary thing and I’ll help too. Plus it’ll be good practice for when yn gets pregnant .” Rin sighed and wrapped his arm over your shoulder but you elbowed his stomach. He winced and the girls couldn’t help but laugh. “So it’s settled?” Hana asked, “Of course!” You smiled.

“I leave tomorrow.”

@therealwalmartjesus @differentballooncollection @aaesuki @atsunflower @dope-squish @prettysetterboiss @june-phantom @tomo-uwu @austriasmariazelle @xrnia @katsulia @aprettyfruit @shut-your-eyes-kiss-me-goodbye @tvbiio @sun-daddy-yoriichi @kamenoyaki @ppangiiroo @loeyprivvv @kmskj92 @lovinnoya @sarahvvictoria @tris-does-stuff @mokkeguts @sunaluvr6969 @bara-rose-would @sempiternal-amour @volleybloop @leykyuu @bokutoichigo @stfucanunot @iloveanime691 @atsumusdomain @ohrintarou @shoutosimp @mqrinqcele @bokutosdivineass @anngelllla @toworuu @hidden-otaku-stuff @seijohiselite @caxsthetic @aquariarose @hhwanggu @bakuhoetoedoroki @yoozuku @osamus-onigiri @akaashi-todorki @donica95 @kakaokenma @airheadpillar

[nctzanne]

Bisexual

[Smut, a tiny bit of fluff]

• Ten x Reader (fm)

requests closed ♡

-You are gay, aren’t you? I mean, by the way you look at Johnny, it’s pretty obvious- You speak nonchalant, fixing your eyes on the random yaoi movie you both are watching.

-I prefer calling myself bisexual- Ten answers with no amusement- I still don’t know how it’s to have sex with a girl-

-That’s why i thought you were gay- He laughs under his breath. You turn your sight to him, just to admire his delicate face traits. Indeed, Johnny was lucky.

Being friends with Ten was something... peculiar. He is a mystery, in every possible way. When you think you know him, suddenly he appears with a personality totally different from what he chose to show you. In those 5 years of knowing eachother, Ten always had something new to uncover about him, making you feel refreshed. There was no way you could be bored with him, everything felt new, funny, dangerous. He helped you to skip your first class, to get an A on maths, how to get drunk without puking, and how to freestyle dance. You just don’t imagine your life without him.

And now, that you both live together, everything got even better. Nights reading tarot cards, laughing at some Tik Toks, and even you both escaped to make a friendship tattoo: A little butterfly under your boob and under his chest. 

Some people would say that you both look like a couple, but there is no way Ten have ever felt that way with you. Oh, but if you talk about your personal feelings...

-Uhm, __, do i have something in my face or..?- Ten whispers so suddenly you snap out of your thoughts. One side of his face is iluminated by the different colors of the sunset that it’s occuring outside your balcony window. He looks so pretty like this, how can he even be real?

-Yeah, some uglyness over there- You try to play it cool, throwing a pillow towards him, positioning it on his lap so you can rest a bit over your heavy thoughts.

He doesn’t seem to complain, and starts playing with your hair. It feels so nice to be around him, he is your comfy zone, your safe space.

-I really want to know- he mumbles.

You freeze.

-Know? What do you wanna know?- For some reason, you don’t want to look at him.

-How it’s to have sex with a woman- he sounds so damn secure about himself, like those words didn’t afect you at all. But he’s wrong, your heart speeds up a little bit, trying to figure out where this conversation was heading to. No, there is no possible way that...

-I’ve been thinking about this a long time ago, you know- his voice goes deeper this time- I know so much about sex with men, but so little with girls. I really want to try how I develop during the act- What the fuck is he talking about?

-Ten, what the f...- he grabs you by your back so you sit up and face him. You are only centimeters away from your nose to rub his.

-I want to know... ___, please let me find out- he almost sound like begging. You hold your breath trying to conect the last neurons that are functioning so you convince yourself that you are not dreaming. You can’t help but look at his lips,just waiting for his sign...

There is no movement at all, not his, not yours. The only thing you can hear is your own heartbeat buzzing on your ears, his warm hands on the sides of your cheeks, his eyes piercing your thoughts.

-Just kiss me already- Your voice trembles, almost like if you are unsure. Actually, you are, there is no way this could end in a good way.

But all of that fades away when he connects his lips with yours. For a few seconds, it’s only that, just your lips touching. But it’s enough to make your mind go fuzzy, fireworks erupting on your lower belly, feeling like this moment should’ve happened so many years ago. When you interwined your fingers while walking on the park, or when he comforted you when you broke up with Kun. But no matter how awkward this moment was, it is everything you needed.

You don’t know how longer it takes for you to experimentally open your mouth a little bit, just to lick his lower lip, tasting the waters. He moves away quickly, leaving your mouth hanging open. You think you messed something up, but before you can apologize about taking things too fast he grabs you violently by the nape of your head, so he can start to kiss you messily.

Everything is tongue, saliva and teeth. There is no control, at all. His tongue works majestically inside your wet cavity, exploring every inch of it, like he was marking your mouth as his. You let him lead everything, you just melt under his ministrations, trying to fight his tongue only to earn a deep growl from his throat. 

He grabs your hips giving you a sign to sit on his lap and you do, gasping as soon as you feel his hard clothed member against you. He janks your hair just to have your neck fully display to him, so he can start marking you up. It first starts as tongue kisses, but slowly he sucks mercyless every inch of your neck and collarbones.

-Ten, i have dance classes tomorrow- you try to stay as rational as posible, running your fingers through his dark black locks- Dont mark me up-

He looks up to you, mouth full of saliva, eyes glistening -You are acting as if you aren't mine-

It felt like somebody totally different from Ten was talking to you now. When you said that he always had something new about himself to show, you weren't kidding. His voice was always sweet as a candy cane, but now you can swear he can cut a rock with a whisper. You shiver, not knowing what its going to happen at all.

-My dear pup- what... is that... a nickname? A pool starts to grow on your panties, and you are afraid you will wet his jeans as well- Do you think i don't know how i make you feel only by looking at you? By touching you?- he lays back on the sofa where you both at, just so he can admire your fucked up state, he is loving how wrecked you are by him- Why do you think i dont fuck any other girls, huh? Because I know how to drive you insane, i know how you masturbate with your filthy vibrator everynight you see me without a t-shirt, wishing that pleasure was given by me- your mouth opens in surprise, and you suddenly want to be swallowed by the couch and just disappear. It seems that he notices- The only girl i want to pleasure my whole life is you, because you are the only one who can make me feel this- he grabs your wrist so your hand touches his dick over his pants.

You are absolutely clueless of everything. So many things happening so fast. He heard you masturbating? He masturbates himself thinking about you? Is it now even the time to wonder about those things?

Almost on queue, he kisses your lips softly, caressing your hair -Let me make you feel good, pup. I want to try everything with you, only you-

A loud moan breaks the ice between you two. You look at eachother trying to figure out where the sound is coming, until you both face the TV. Right, the Yaoi movie. The scene is so fucking explicit you couldn't help by sigh, and that doesn't slip out of Ten.

-You like watching that, don't you?- he turns you around, so now that your back is pressed against his chest. He opens up your legs and in a blink of an eye has his hands roaming the waistband of your pajama pants. -You are so filthy, what if that was me and Johnny? Would you rather watch that?- you moan not only because of the scene you just imagine, but also that his fingers start to ghost against your wet folds- Or do you prefer me fucking you, making a mess out of you?- he teases you, rubbing gently but never putting enough pressure, he only rubs your pussy lips.

You open up your legs in desesperate attempt to make him touch you more, but he just takes his time. You are not watching the movie at all, your mind wandering about all the things you can try with him.

Finally, his index finger rubs your clit slowly in a up and down motion. You hate the fact that you are too vocal when it comes to sex, but it seems that for him it tastes like glory. Using two fingers now, he decides to rub your now hard and too sensitive nub in different ways, but when he starts to do it in circles is when you close your eyes and moan his name loudly.

-Okay, that's how you like it then- and you dont notice when he starts to pick up his pace. You are so close, so damn close due to all the dirty talking, but you don't want it to end.

-Ten please, i don't want to cum yet- you rest the back of your head on his shoulder, eyes rolling back. You can hear the sounds that come down from your wetness, and it seems that he tries in all best ways possible to make those sounds louder and louder.

-Who says you have permission to cum anyways, pup?- he whispers in your ear. His eyes are fixed in how his fingers are working on you, at the same time he is listening carefully how his name slips out of your tongue everytime he slows down. 

-Ten ‘m so close, please- You don’t know what are you begging for. Your legs tremble trying to hold your orgasm but you feel like you are going to explode.

-I love when you call me by my nickname, but sometimes i think you forget about my real name- He stops his actions, making you groan in disapproval, but he hush you while introducing his fingers on your mouth. You don’t want to admit it, but you truly love your own taste. 

You suck clean his fingers, swirling your tongue around them, while trying to look at him in the eyes, though it was kinda difficult due to the position he is. He bites his lips, humming in agreement, he likes what you are doing.

-I want to hear how you scream my name while i make you cum- He starts to rub your clit again, but 10x faster. He looks like an expert rubbing you, it feels so damn good, it’s impossible that he is a “girl virgin”.- Say it-

-Chittaphon...- You feel so embarrased, and don’t know why, but you choose to let go and get consumed by pleasure. You feel it, that tight knot begging for release, your hands holding on dear life by his arm muscles, hearing his grunts on your left ear, even the year of his piercings on your cheek makes you burn and get closer and closer.

-Chittaphon im cumming- you warn him with voice cracked, you can’t hold it any longer. 

-That’s it pup, let go, cum for me- He whispers and licks your earlobe. And that’s all that takes for you to disappear from earth, being sucked in by the orgasm that is washing you. You chant his name over and over again, your inner walls clenching around nothing, the climax seems to last for hours. You feel your clit throbbing, thighs full of your own liquids, and you black out.

-____, baby, it’s okay- He hears that you are whimpering, destroyed by pleasure.- Don’t move, let me clean you up- 

In a matter of minutes, you start to get conscious, eyelashes batting fast trying to recognize where you are. The aroma of Ten invades you and suddenly you feel calm, you are in his bed, covered, with a white t-shirt and nothing else below that. He is laying besides you, hugging you by your waist, caressing your skin with his thumb.

-Hey, you woke up. I was worried, i thought i knocked you out or something- He smiles, clearly proud of the mess he just made. You slap his shoulder, letting a little laugh slip out of your mouth.

-Sorry-

-About what?-

-I just passed out... i didn’t even suck you off- You legit feel embarassed.

-Ah, ____, i wanted it this way. It was perfect, trust me- He pecks your lips, worried that maybe you won’t believe him- This is what i asked for-

You feel your heart full. Of blood maybe, but it’s a metaphor to explain how complete this man makes you.

-So, are you bisexual or not- You try to change the subject, laying on your side so you can face him. You still don’t get used to the idea that probably, probably you both like eachother. He laughs outloud, with his perfect teeth on display, and then he bites his lip.

-Im ___sexual, for sure-

You don’t know what it’s going to happen before this. But that’s Ten’s essence, he is a complete mystery. And that’s why you are madly in love with him.

[chocolate1721]

Hello chocolatiers here is a new idea, and this is one of my altime favorites so far.

Ok so, Marinette and Jason are siblings who got separated. Jason is adopted by Bruce and Marinette is adopted by Tom and Sabine. Jason becomes Robin and dies. Marinette is informed of his death but isn’t able/allowed to attend the funeral. She never meets Bruce. Marinette is bullied by Chloe and then Lila and the class. She becomes ladybug and chat is useless.

Even though things in class are tough. Marinette makes a fabulous class trip. She has them set to go to New York (with tours of Stark Industries, and New York Times along with Broadway production tickets), then they are to go to Starling City (where they get to tour Queen industry, and their parks), next they go to Central City (they have some basic tours of some museums and stuff), finally they will end in Gotham (tour Wayne Enterprise and the gardens).

Marinette had a good time in New York, Lila lies all day every day, but she ignored it. They had a fligh to Starling City and Marinette had to use the restroom or something before they left, but when she got back to the gate the plane was gone, and so was her class. She had no clothes (those were on the plane) and she didn’t have a lot of money. She was having a hard time breathing when all of a sudden Tony f*cking Stark struts his way over to her and helps her breath again (couldn’t decide if she has a panic or anxiety attack).

Tony and Peter were coming back from Wakanda. Peter knoticed Marinette and points her out to Tony, making some joke of if she is a lost Stark or something. Tony looks at Marinette and immediately knows she is having an attack, he knows how that feels, so he immediately goes over to her and helps her through it. He finds out that Marinette got left behind by her class and this pisses Tony off. He then tells her he can/will help her out. All three of them then head to the Avenger’s Tower.

[[More]]

She meets the Avengers, and she is totally normal. No stuttering, spasming, tripping, or anything but treating them like they are normal. This intrigues the Avengers. They invite her to watch some of them train while Tony looks into getting her back to her class. While she watches them train she ends up handing Steve his shield (like it was a piece of paper), and Thor his hammer (like it was nothing), this shocks everyone.

Steve: Hey Thor, does this mean this kid is now the new ruler of Asgard?

Thor: . . . . . I must introduce her to the Allfather. Come child of earth.

Tony: *runs into the room, body slamming the door on his way in* DONT GO WITH HIM!!!!!!! IM ADOPTING HER!

Pepper: *appears from nowhere* no you’re not

Peter and Marinette become close friends. The hulk also meets Marinette. The team is worried, but Hulk just kinda picks her up and says “Baby” and tries to burp her. . . . . . . . Tony gets plenty of pictures of this. Marinette is a grumpy sunshine child, and she threatens Tony and Peter if they post any of those pictures.

Tony tells Marinette that he has a friend in town that lives in Starling City and he has agreed to take her with him when he returns home. Marinette will be getting picked up in a few hours, so Tony, Peter, Steve, Thor, and Pepper take Marinette out to get some clothes. This ends in chaos, mayhem, emotional trauma, and the Avengers learn how truly terrifying teenager girls are. Pepper is now wanting to adopt Marinette.

Later that evening Oliver Queen and Roy Harper show up at Avenger tower to pick Marinette up. Roy thinks she will be like all the other girls he knows, shallow and a gold digger or a super hero. He isn’t prepared for the absolute angel that is Marinette. He is love struck, and he becomes the gentleman that Oliver has tried to teach him to be. The only thing Oliver is thinking is “did Bruce get another one?”

Marinette and Roy hit it off very well (roynette is endgame people) they talk for hours. They exchange numbers. Oliver finds out that no, she isn’t adopted by Bruce <not yet anyway>. But she was born in Gotham, she had an older brother who died when she was younger. Oliver found out she is MDC and immediately wanted to commission a suit. She agreed and they were talking suit styles and colors until they arrived in front of her hotel in Starling City. They told her not to hesitate if she needed anything.

Her class didn’t even knotice she was missing. She got her room key and went to sleep. The next morning she was the first one up and downstairs. The breakfast pasteries were gross so she went to the kitchen and taught the staff how to make a good crossaint. She was putting a fresh batch out in the buffet area when her classmates arrived. Lila pauses when she saw her. How had Marinette gotten here? She made sure to destroy her plane ticket. Anyway Lila lies the entire trip as well. She convinces Max to hack into Marinette’s phone and change her alarms. On the day they head to Central City, Marinette’s alarm goes off 30 minutes after the bus leaves.

Marinette sighs and calls Roy. Roy is pissed that her teacher left her behind AGAIN. So he calls up Barry Alan (I watch the Flash tv show so those are the characters I will be using). Roy tells him about how the teacher is incompetent and left a student behind. Roy arrives to pick Marinette up, only to see two guys hitting on her. Roy stops that sh*t real quick. Then they head to Central City. They swing by Star Labs and Marinette meets Barry and his friends. They fall in love with Marinette. She is sweet and kind and adorable. Barry sees her as an innocent sister who must be protected. They take her to her class. He convinced the chief to let the class come visit the precinct. Lila is taking credit for everything, while Marinette gives out pasteries that she made at Star Labs. The officers love Marinette, especially Joe. He sees his daughter in Marinette. Some of the officers offered to teach the class some self defense, in case they were in trouble, and they refused to say how scared they were when Marinette took them down. It was way too easy for her to take them down. The tall kid with frosted tips didn’t do half as well as she did. Roy and Barry only seen that level of skill on hero’s or black belts. Lila started gushing about how she trained with some famous martial artist but had to stop due to her arthritis. The class got held hostage by Captain Cold. Marinette distracts him long enough for the hostages to escape, and the police and hero’s to arrive. She talked about everything from how he could make more money by hiring himself out as a ice machine to people in third world countries to his lack of fashion. By the time the hero’s arrived she was redesigning his entire wardrobe. He was just confused. The officers that arrived on the scene recognized Marinette and were horrified that her class left her in the hands of a criminal. Marinette just brushed it off as no big deal, she was used to it. This had them in near tears. The Flash helped her get back to the hotel. Barry was freaking pissed, so he took a couple pictures with Marinette, took her to get ice cream, and then took her back to her hotel; all before the class arrived.

When the class did arrive at the hotel they started accusing Marinette of working with Cold, but then they saw the Flash. Alya immediately started interviewing him. Only for him to snatch her phone out of her hand and delete the video. She wasnt happy about that, but Barry didn’t care. He stalked over to Bustier and started tearing her apart for abandoning a student. He then went to the police chief and let him know what happened.

Joe finds out what happened and knows that the class’s next stop is Gotham. He calls an old friend, Gordon, and tells him what’s going on and to keep an eye out for Marinette. Gordon agreed but doesn’t think that any teacher can be that stupid.

.

.

.

He is proven wrong when he goes to greet the class only to find that Bustier left Marinette behind. Gordon is dumbfounded, then furious when she said that Marinette can handle herself. Gordon then calls for a manhunt for this child. 15 minutes later he gets a call from Bruce that he has Marinette in his custody. He has permission from her parents to take care of her while she is in Gotham. Gordon starts compiling evidence of criminal neglect to send to the French Board of Education.

Roy was woken up to a call from Marinette. She got left behind again. He calls his friend Jason and tells him about what’s going on and if it’s ok if he stays with him until Marinette goes back to France. Jason,doesn’t know this is his sister, says yes. Roy and Marinette become an official couple on the way to Gotham. Bruce is trying to get everything ready for a non hero to come to their house, even if only for a few hours.

What no one expected was, when Alfred led them into the house. For Marinette and Jason to lock eyes, and for Mari to body check Jason. They also didn’t expect for Marinette and Jason to start crying, or for them to be siblings. Marinette slapped Jason a few times for making her think he died.

Roy pales when he realizes that Jason is her brother. Jason is furious at Roy for dating his sister. Marinette tried to keep her brother from killing her boyfriend, which is a struggle. She tells Bruce what happened with her class and he excused himself to go call her parents and inform them of what has happened. They give him permission to take care of their daughter while she is in Gotham. He also sets up future visits for Marinette to come to Gotham.

While Bruce is away, Damian arrives, sees a new dark haired minor, and immediately concludes his father has adopted another. He then proceeds to attack her, but Marinette takes a sword from a nearby knight and parries him. She barley keeps him at bay, when he realizes that she has some very basic knowledge of swordsmanship. He stops attacking her and starts teaching her. Thus an impenetrable sibling bond has formed. She cookes with Alfred. Dick teaches her how to trapieze. She gives Tim her illegal coffee recipe. Her and Jason talk for hours.

She also finds the Batcave. Only because she went to the library and tried getting a book, that happened to be the hidden enterance. She chews Bruce out for not dealing with the Joker in time to save her brother. She was just letting out her frustrations and everyone knew it. She met Louis and Clark, who she pulled to the side and told him to find a better disguise because it is obvious he is superman. She pats his shoulder and walks away. Louis slips Bruce $10.

Bruce invites the class to the Wayne Gala and provides clothes for them to wear. Marinette refuses the offer and makes her own dress. She also makes gifts for the Batfam.

Marinette is finally able to see Lila’s lies fall apart, at the Gala, and she refuses to forgive the class. What they did is not something that she can get over that easily. All of the abuse, the lack of loyalty, the manipulation, and demand for her time, energy, and supplies to give them what they want. She. Is. Done. She burned those bridges.

When the class is heading back to Paris their notifications go off. They are getting tagged in pictures of Marinette with the Avengers, Oliver Queen and Roy Harper, of the Central City Police force, with the Flash, with the Wayne’s, and Louis and Clark. They were shocked. How could Marinette get the opportunity to meet all of these people when she was with them the entire time. That’s when they realized, she wasn’t with them. The only time they remember seeing her is when they were on tours or she suddenly appeared in the places they were heading to. She was never with them when they left.

[t4tharuspex]

house of mirrors

2.5k word mlp fanfic. dont judge me >.>

summary: rarity and twilights visit to the crystal empire is more eventful then either had hoped. somethings wrong with the castle, and more importantly, somethings wrong with shining armor...

content warnings: fear of transphobia (no actual rtansphobia bc this is the colorful horses show)

Rarity held back a whinny of delight as she trotted off the train and into the crystal empire station. Everywhere she looked she was dazzled by gleaming crystals of every color refracting rainbows on every surface while somehow remaining the farthest thing from gaudy. Starting to feel faint from excitement, she leaned on twilight's shoulder as her eyes fluttered.

“Rarity come on!” The alicorn laughed as she helped her friend upright. “We’ve hardly been in the empire for a minute! Save your fainting for the ceremony.”

The white horse perked up immediately at the reminder of what she had come here for: she was to assist Cadence and Shining Armor in the preparations for the newborn princesses presentation to the public! She cantered in place with excitement, lifting twilight's luggage with her magic and running off to their suite in the castle with twilight hot on her heels.

The suite was spacious with generous decor in simple light colors. the main focal point of the suite was the giant bay windows which cast giant swathes of warm light across the room. upon closer inspection rarity was amazed to discover that the windows were made entirely of cut crystal rather than glass. the faint color of the gemstone created a slight cast on the light coming in, giving a view of the city below that was ever so slightly tinted. this realization recontextualized the furnishing in rarities mind: it wasn't dull and plain, but simply a blank canvas for whatever the crystal windows brought in. a strange method of decor indeed. or was it a response to the material conditions of living in a house of crystal?

When the two had almost settled into their apartment, they were startled from their rest by a brisk knock at the door.

“A summons for princess twilight sparkle,” a booming voice called from behind the door. “You are needed urgently by princess mi amore cadenza for matters concerning his highness the prince.”

Worry flooded the purple alicorns features. “Urgent? Then I guess I had better go now.” She magically gathered a few items into her saddlebag and gave a parting smile to her friend as she was rushed away by royal guards.

Shocked by the suddenness of it all, rarity let out a chuff and sat squarely on her quarters. Was shining armor alright? she wanted to put her anxieties to rest, but it was plainly obvious that she hadn't been invited. would the entire trip to the empire consist of her sitting alone in her room while twilight attended to all matters of actual importance?

Trying to shake the thought from her head, rarity got up and left her room to explore the castle. It truly was extravagant, with pillars of crystal stretching to the high vaulted ceilings spreading refractions of glittering iridescence that made the whole space seem somehow both extraordinary glamorous and warm and homey. Inspiration flooded her mind as she trotted the decadently decorated halls. She just couldn’t wait to get back to her studio and put this inspiration to good use.

She was halted in her exploration when her ears picked up familiar voices talking from behind an ajar door. She knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but she couldn’t help but listen in...

"-i don't know what to do twilight, he hadn't seemed this off for years, and now flurry is here and hes completely absent!"

"i don't know cadence, he hasn't said anything in his letters-"

“- all I’m saying is maybe you could get through to him! He won’t talk to me, or anypony else here. you're my last hope. maybe hell listen to his best friend”

“i've never been able to help him in one of these episodes before. if he’s not ready to talk then confronting him will only make him more defensive.”

“That’s a risk we’ll have to take. I’m worried for my husband twilight.” Rarity leaned on the door to hear better as the princesses voice dropped, “please, if not for shining armor, or for me, then for flurry heart. She deserves to have a father who can dedicate himself to her, not one who’s so preoccupied that he can hardly look after her.”

There was a sigh, then rarity heard twilight speak “very well. I’ll do this for her. Maybe that will get through to my brother.”

Sudden approaching hoofsteps started rarity out of her reverie. She stumbled backwards just in time to miss the swinging door as twilight entered the hall. “Rarity? I thought you were still in the room? Oh well, I need your help anyway." She looked over her shoulder as if to make sure they were alone. "I think somethings wrong with my brother. It's possible that one of the unreformed changelings has taken his place to try too take advantage of the upcoming love boom from flurry hearts royal presentation."

Rarity was taken aback by her friends leap of logic. "Doesn't that seem like an extreme suspicion? Having a baby is stressful enough for normal ponies, I cant imagine what kind of pressure would be on a royal prince."

"I don't know rarity, after what happened at the wedding we can't be too careful. I hope its just nerves and parental stress, but we have to expect the worse if we want to be prepared to handle it."

rarity nodded. "alright, then let's find your brother."

The two ponies galloped down the halls in search of the princes chambers. the crystal walls seemed to burn with energy, the warm cast of light from earlier having turned harsh and almost too bright. rarity wondered absently if this was a product of the changing time of day or a trick of the mind. could the walls of a castle really know how somepony felt, and shine it back at them like a diamond mirror?

a distant commotion pricked the two mares ears. "this way!" twilight called as she rounded a corner, dashing after the sound with rarity at her side.

the two skidded to a stop when they reached an open doorway from which the sound seemed to emit. with a flick of her ear twilight motioned for rarity to follow her and the two cautiously made their way into the room. twilight emitted a small light from her horn, then lit the rooms lamp once she could find it on the wall. with the room lit rarity immediately got an impression of drabness and depression, the tightly draped windows letting in no light and the gemstone walls shining the same dim echo back and forth across the space, almost seeming to beg for the light to go out again.

twilight gestured with her chin to the curtained bed at the center of the room, grabbing one edge of the curtain with her magic and indicating for rarity to take hold of the other. once the unicorn had secured the curtain, twilight gave a sharp nod and both ponies tugged their curtain aside, revealing a stallion-sized lump that spectacularly failed to live up to either mares fearful imagination.

the blue-maned unicorn sat up at once, alarmed by the sudden intrusion. he seemed to calm down slightly when he recognized his sister, but he remained guarded. "twily? rarity? what are you two doing in my private chambers?"

"well to be fair," rarity gestured back at the entrance, "you did leave your door open."

"cadence must have done that when she left." shining armor gruffed. "that doesn't answer my question though: what are you doing here?"

twilight stepped forward with a cautious expression, ready to fight if this really was a changeling. "were just here to check up on you, see how youre handling the upcoming princess presentation" it was clear that twilight was being reserved with her supposed brother.

then, shining armors eyes met hers, and her suspicion evaporated. that peculiar sadness that had haunted her brother in her young filliehood, then she had thought he'd escaped when he found happiness in cadences arms, was burning hot tears from shining armors eyes. she had never seen a pain like that before or since. if there was anything twilight was certain of, it was that this pony was the same one she had known her whole life. but the question still lingered, was he the real shining?

completely without her permission, tears began to well in twilight's eyes. "oh shinning, whats happened to you?"

her brother choked on a sob. "I'm sorry twily, you were never supposed to see me like this. no one was. i should be able to hold it together for you... for cadence... for my daughter..."

"shining nopony wants you to hide any part of you! we want to know when you're hurting so we can help. i had thought you'd healed from whatever's causing this pain but it seems to be back and i wont let you hide it from me this time!" the purple alicorn sniffled as tears streaked down her muzzle. "please shining, tell me whats wrong."

The stallion nervously rubbed his hooves together and cast his gaze to the ground. "i don't even know where to start."

"the beginning," twilight proposed. "i want to know everything. you cant heal until you let your wounds be seen."

shining nodded and took a deep breath, "its just that, when you were a fillie, everyone expected me to be the perfect big brother, and i never measured up to that expectation. it was like being thrown into the ocean with no idea how to swim, and everypony kept insisting that i was a fish and i should know how, but i didn't. then in the royal guard it didn't matter how i felt as long as i followed orders and played the role, so that's what i did. i don't know if it actually quieted the pain or just forced me to ignore it, but for a few years i thought maybe i could live with it. cadence was the only pony i've ever met who could make that noise in my brain silent; with her it didn't matter if I wasn't brother enough fro you or stallion enough for the military. i was always enough for her, no questions asked. i was so happy when we got married that i could almost forget about that feeling, telling myself it was a phase i'd outgrown. but now with flurry heart, all that anxiety is back. its like no matter what i do ill never be able to be a good father for her. i love her more than anything, id do anything for her, but it isn't enough. i'm not enough." the white unicorns neck gave way as he succumbed to quiet sobs, his once proud chin quivering and brushing his chest.

"shining... i..." twilight was speechless. what could be said? her brothers pain went far beyond anything she knew how to mend. at that moment being the princess of friendship meant nothing; she couldn't even move herself to speak in the face of her first best friends deep sorrow.

"i hope im not overstepping here," a timid voice chimed in, startling both siblings as rarity cleared her throat. "but i think i may have an idea as to the source and solution of your distress."

"rarity?" shining choked, "how could you possibly know how i feel?"

the mare nervously flicked her mane with an idle hoof. "there's a lot you don't know about me." turning to twilight, she asked "would it be alright if the prince and i could have a moment alone?"

Twilight nodded and bowed out of the room, and the two remaining ponies listened to her hoofbeats echo down and again further down the labyrinthine crystal hallway, which now seemed to glitter coldly like a sterile knife where it once had gleamed so warmly. rarity shivered at the thought of living in a place like this, which could transform before your eyes depending only on ones own emotion. that was, she mused, the property of crystal. it created nothing, only reflecting what was cast onto it. in a dimly lit cave the finest diamond was often mistaken by novices for a common quartz, but at the heart of a kingdom built on a foundation of admiration it gleamed on every surface like the morning dew on a freshly budded rose. this castle wasn't a cold cage or a warm embrace, it was an endless hall of mirrors, each perfectly angled to show you the deepest darkest crevice of your heart.

"i understand why it tortures you to live here." rarity whispered. "each surface gleams to a pristine chrome finish, yet the face it reflects is fundamentally and inconceivably wrong."

shining armor appeared startled, "that's exactly how it feels. how do you know? is it that obvious how miserable i am?

the mare shook her head, "only to those who have felt the same misery. shining armor, i once lived the same life as you, albeit in a much more drab estate. I felt that at every turn i failed at the very task of existing as myself, my relationships suffered because it pained me to view myself as a part of them. mirrors became my enemy because i couldn't face the pony looking back at me. the stallion looking back at me."

a small gasp escaped the taller unicorns lips "what-"

"think about it shining," rarity pleaded shakily, " everything you cant stand to be: brother, father, soldier, prince. they all have one thing in common." tears welled in her eyes and choked her throat "you cant run from it shining. it never stops. you only make yourself more and more miserable. you can cover as many mirrors as you like but eventually you're going to look around and realize that you're still the same pony you hated, standing alone in complete darkness."

something clicked behind the other ponys eyes. "no, it cant be... what about cadence? flurry? twilight? i cant throw all of them away because i have some twisted dream of living as a-"

"-you're not sick shining. maybe a bit different, but there's nothing wrong with you. you'll find that the friends worth keeping don't care at all. they're suffering by watching you suffer; freeing yourself will only free them too."

"i have no idea where to even start though. aren't i a bit too old for this?" shinings eyes were wide and scared.

"i would love to personally see to all the aesthetic changes you wish for, if you'll have me. you really couldn't ask for a more qualified personal stylist. and as for the social shift, you've got the princesses of love and friendship in your corner."

"but that's just it: they're not in my corner. they may as well be on the other side of equestria, or a gaping cavern. how can i even know that they'll still see me as me?"

"i know how scary it is, especially in the early days, but i can personally account for twilights acceptance. and as for cadence, i'm pretty sure they don't go around giving titles like the princess of love to ponies who cant accept others for something so harmless as gender." her smile faded and her face grew a bit serious "i can be there with you if you want. like i said, i know how scary it is." she placed a hoof on top of the other mares own.

She smiled. "I think id like that."

[falcqns]

tw: sebastian stan & tommy lee

sorry I know this is irrelevant but all my friends love seb so I can’t rant to them about it but recently he was spotted leaving a restaurant after having dinner with tommy lee and hugging and *throws up* ew just so disgusting and the fact that they’re actually friends is so revolting - I didn’t think it was possible for seb to become anymore of an asshat but here we are - like doing the show (without Pamela’s permission) is enough but actually becoming friends and liking the actual person is so fucking awful (you can ignore this but you are one of the only people who truly understands)

also what is up with him lately? something in his water??… he’s looking extra musty and wrinkled like what’s up with the haircut dude and the style? 🤧 sometimes I just wanna 🧎🏌🏼‍♀️

thank you for letting me rant and I’m sorry if this puts you in a sour mood but i just can’t stand him and I’m so sick of everyone turning a blind eye to all his shit (literally I saw a TikTok which showed pictures of this and the creator and the comments were like “oh my gosh so handsome” “his sweater is so cute” blah blah completely ignoring the fact that tommy lee was with him)

fucking misogynistic (you can just feel it) racist repulsive fat ego man (🤮🙅‍♀️)

no bc you made such great points. i was never a pamela anderson fan before watching it but i watched it anyways because i was becoming a fan of Lily and wanted to support her. i am now a full blown pamela fan and i support her 100%, and i felt bad after realizing she never gave her consent for one of the worst things shes ever gone through to be made into a show for everyone to see. thats like if someone made a movie about andrew and i's relationship before we broke up for almost a year.

but yeah, the fact he's friends with tommy lee?? disgusting, and i dont blame anthony for wanting to distance from him. him doing that makes me think he's also friends (or on good terms) with jeff gilooly too because he interveiwed him for I, Tonya.

also yes, he doesnt look good. the only time he looks remotely good to me is when he's playing Bucky and thats the only time i find him attractive because i am able to take the thought that it's seb out of my mind and think of bucky and i think my mcu dr helps with that because i've told bucky that i shifted there and explained what seb as done and he was disgusted. unfortunately i forgot to script out that seb exists in that dr and he's met him and it didn't go well lol. but yeah, he just looks like he smells lol. either he smells really bad, or he uses WAYYYY to much cologne.

he just gives me the major ick lol